Fear, I Feel You

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“I feel you, Fear, and I’m moving forward.” Chris Brogan

Fear and Failure

These are 2 sides of the same negative coin. We are taught to deny fear and fear failure. In my experience, this is self-defeating. Think about this other quote from the wonderful Chris Brogan, “Use fear to inform you, but never let it guide you.”

Get It Out

While it’s hard to face the fear, you can make it work for you. Here are few ways:

  1. Use role models – If you think people who accomplish great things are not afraid, please think again. They are just as terrified as everyone else. Maybe more. But they use the power of fear and even anger to move forward. If you have a ‘hero’, read their story. If you can speak to them, ask them about fear. You’ll learn a lot and get fuel for your own fear-crushing fire.
  2. Get an outlet – some people sing, some write, some punch something, some talk it out. Others just keep it inside, this is the worst. Find a way to let it out. Here are some of my favorites: hit a tennis racket on the bed, take the car out to the highway and scream (really loud), put on loud music and dance around with big motions and lots of stomping, take plastic containers and whip them at the wall. They make a satisfying noise, they bounce around and nothing breaks.
  3. Once you’ve got it out, focus on moving forward. If you need help, Chris Brogan has a program – Twenty Minute Plan.

I believe in you. Believe in yourself.

Image credit:  Inspiring quotes

I’ll Do It Myself – Independence Is Overrated

I Hate Asking for Help

I HATE asking for help. In my world, asking for help is not only a sign of weakness, but, as I learned from an early age,  asking for help often means I won’t get any. My family tried, but they just were not in a position to be there for me. So as a result, I’m lousy at figuring out what I need and then asking other people to help me.

Independence Is Overrated

The problem with thinking that I have to do everything myself is that:

  • It’s tiring
  • I’m not that good at a lot of stuff
  • It’s lonely
  • Other people resent it
  • I don’t give people a chance to show their support and love for me

Is It My Ego Talking?

There’s also an element of ego in “not asking.” As if, when I reveal a need and someone helps me, I might owe them something and then I can’t do whatever I want. Ego is very bad reason not to ask for help and tricky to recognize.

Balance Is The Goal

Being too dependent is equally bad. Not stepping up, getting too comfortable, manipulating others to do my work, etc. This is very bad also. This, however, isn’t my problem. I try to solve my problems and everyone else’s. Even if people don’t want my help. So now I work on paying attention to what I need and help others in a way that I can (when asked).

While it’s painful for me to ask for help, I have to keep trying. It takes more confidence to request help than it does to ‘go it alone.’ Arrggghhh. I hate it!

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One Thing I Must Do Everyday

Everyday people tell me, you gotta try this. You’ll LOVE this. Watch this, wear this, smell this, read this, blah blah blah.

I don’t have to do anything except breathe. And you know, for a human being, I think I do a rather poor job of it. Check this out from the always wonderful Chris Brogan.

“I had a quick chat with the Universe. It was in a rush but it wanted me to share something important with you. ‘You would do well to breathe deeper. In general. Take deeper breaths. In fact,’ said the Universe, ‘did you know that learning how to master slow, deep, controlled breaths is one way to master anxiety, fear, frustration, and many more feelings and emotions?'”

For today, you and I don’t need to master anything. But what I can do is remember the joy and release from just breathing. So right now, wherever you are, stop everything.  Take a breath. Now take another. Just feel yourself breathing. Feels good doesn’t it? I’m trying to figure out a way to remind myself several times a day. Got any hints?

Chris Brogan quote is from his weekly newsletter that he sends out on Sunday. You can subscribe here.

Photo credit: ellephysio