Category: personal development

Trading Places

Image result for rich and famous

Whatever you think about Jim Carrey… I think he’s on to something here (even though the English isn’t good.)

I often hear people wishing their lives were different. “I wish I had a lot of money… I wish I had a big house… I wish I were famous.”

But the truth is… there isn’t anyone in the world I would trade places with. I had a rough “growing up,” — worse than many middle class kids… better than many low income kids. I was born with good health, white skin and a good brain.

When you think you wish you had… x, y, z… when you look at some other person, family, job, car and wish you had it, stop yourself. The truth is, you don’t know anything about that other person’s life. What you see on the surface, may NOT reflect the reality.

My two cents: be grateful for what you have, for who you are. You are a gift to the world and you’re here for a reason. Figure it out.

Secret to Life

“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” Winston Churchill

The whole point of life is to keep trying. Fall down, get up, stumble; stumble forward.

Many people don’t understand the joy of trying and failing. Somehow they gauge their worth by things; not by how many times they fall on their face and get back up.

I’m begging you; be weird. The world needs you.

Image result for paulo coelho quotes secret to life

Image credit: Banksy

Are You A ‘DTM’ – Difficult to Manage?

What Is a DTM?

I was one of those employees labeled as ‘difficult to manage.’ When I worked in corporate america, I wasn’t intimidated by anyone’s position in the company. I tended to say my ideas out loud, even when they weren’t solicited. I was comfortable organizing chaos and happy when working with a team to make progress where others didn’t see how it could be done. I haven’t changed; much.

In this article in the Harvard Business Review, “Improve Your Ability to Learn,I finally feel vindicated. Here’s how they describe such an employee (aka me).

“While talented, Alex had come to be known behind closed doors by the moniker “DTM” – difficult to manage. He marched to the beat of his own drummer, and he wasn’t afraid to challenge the status quo. He loved a challenge, and he was comfortable taking risks.”

Oh, Oh, Now What Do I Do?

The point of this article is that some DTM’s can be exemplary in their ability to learn, including the importance of “learning agility, a set of qualities and attributes that allow an individual to stay flexible, grow from mistakes, and rise to a diverse array of challenges.” It’s gratifying to know that my brashness and challenging personality were actually good things.

Here are some characteristics of DTM’s – we tend to be more extroverted, focused, original and resilient and less accommodating to slow progress and excuses. If you have these characteristics, try the following – look for stretch assignments, regularly seek real input and most of all, enhance your listening skills. As for me, I’m old… too late for me to get along like a nice girl.

Photo credit: Five tips

Oh Lord, Please Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood

So <i>very</i> many ways to interpret this label.</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<p><i>Not taken by me.</i>

Imagine All The People, Living Life in Peace

John Lennon wrote a song called Imagine. The song asks us to imagine a world with out countries, religion, ‘nothing to kill or die for…’

Part of this “imagining” fundamentally denies or perhaps ‘polishes’ our human desire for belonging.  Without color, race, nationality, language, heritage, family… how do we know were we belong? But it is exactly that ‘belonging’ that separates us from one another. I’m a Christian, you’re a Muslim. We’re different.

Part of our ‘comfort’ with the world is predictability. Being able to know what will happen next. My daily rituals order in my life. But it is precisely in ‘not knowing’, taking a risk, going on a adventure, that we become stronger and more fully human.

Connect With The Person, Let Go Of Your ‘Belonging’

For today, I’m going to ask you to think of someone whose point of view you simply don’t understand. Now, picture yourself as them. Going to work, loving their family, eating lunch with a friend. Are they really all that different from you?

The next time you feel misunderstood, encounter someone thinks you’re crazy or you feel isolated in your view of the world… stop and say, it’s ok. We disagree. I’m not lost, they are not lost. We simply disagree. I don’t have to make sure that they know I’m right.

Thanks to Seth Godin for the idea for this post. Title credit: Don’t Let Me Be MisunderstoodThe Animals

Photo credit: Does not work    CarbonNYC

Audit Yourself (No B.S. Allowed)

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Today’s Hustle Is

… have a company, get money from other people, learn on their nickel. A lot of good that comes from this. Ideas get vetted and people learn valuable skills. What’s not good – the idea that you need to be the leader of a company, ‘your’ company. Everyone has to listen to YOU. You make the rules, you decide what happens. You’re in charge.

This. is. not. leadership.

Being a Leader Requires Self-Awareness

It takes a big person to look in the mirror and say, I am not good at that. And I don’t mean… I’m not good at math. I mean, I’m not a good listener, I’m not generous, I’m self-absorbed.

When we try to lead others without self-awareness, we simply draw them into our drama. We may be very smart or charismatic or well-connected and that’s how we’ve gotten as far as we have. But when it comes to knowing ourselves, we’re nowhere.

Do you know someone over 40 who is completely oblivious of the effect his/her personality on others? Especially in the workplace? It’s depressing.

Get On With It

Areas for examination are: personality, values, habits, needs and emotions.  Here’s Gary Vaynerchuk’s take on the importance of self awareness. He suggest that we audit ourselves. I’m going to work on my audit. I’m going to start with habits. I think I need some new ones.

Are You a Manager or a Leader?

Good Leader vs. Great Manager

Would you rather be a good leader or a great manager? There isn’t a ‘right’ answer. It’s all in what you value, probably the stage of your career and many other factors. Lots of people think they are both a good manager and a good leader. The reality is, that rarely are people really good at both.

Recognizing Your Natural Strengths

Years ago, I took a leadership and strategic planning course. The instructor insisted that people who weren’t ‘born’ leaders, including the ability to think strategically, could be trained to do so. I disagreed then and I disagree now.

I think each of us has a natural strength toward either leadership or “managership.” We can build leadership “skills,” which are very important, but the notion that we can ‘teach’ people to be great leaders is problematic.

Learning to be a good manager is hard and takes a long time. Good managers make the team feel positive and empowered.  Good managers take themselves out of the equation and focus on the task and the team.

Maybe I’m Wrong

But wait, most mothers (and a lot of dads) are the ultimate managers. They know how to get things done. They make it look easy to run a household, feed, clothe, educate, chauffeur, etc. At the same time, they lead each child to be their very best. Maybe classroom teachers learn both. Maybe master tradesmen, learn both.

Maybe if you practice every day, seven days a week, 365 days a year, for 20 years; you learn both.

Learning to Walk

Rose looking happy

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.” – George S. Patton

Falling Down

Watch a child learning to walk. We let them fall down, over and over; they have lots of ways to get that toy.  They’ll crawl, knee-walk, butt-slide and many more ways we’d never consider. If we dictated when and how our child learned to walk, would that be better than letting them find their own way? No. Because they are learning more than just walking. They are learning to learn, to gain command over their muscles.

The older we are, the more we want to tell people what to do AND how to do it. We’re afraid they might not do it … “the way we want.” When was the last time you let the people around you (co-workers, family members, etc.) figure out the ‘how’ to get something done.

The Power of Letting Go

There is a place in the world for control freaks (think safety). But if General Patton was able to let soldiers find the “how” within the structure of the military, then surely we can let go of the “how” at work and at home.

People rise to the occasion if they understand  what they’re supposed to do and, whenever possible, WHY they need to do it.  Sometimes when people complain about having to much to do, it’s because they don’t know how to let go, ask for help, or see that there are many ways to solve a problem. Think about it.

Photo credit: Happily Learning to Walk  Delta Mike

Creativity: A Way of Being vs. a Way of Doing

Isn't this a happy picture?

What is Creativity?

Creativity can not be defined by words. Like ‘love’, when we try to describe it, our words dance all around it. Words hint at it, our hearts know when we see it, but words… don’t really touch it.

I believe that we are all creative in our own way. No two people are creative in the same way. Look at two painters or two musicians. One gets inspiration from their children, another from where they live. One paints outside, the other uses food to paint. Yes, they are both painting but how each one’s spirit is being expressed, is different.

In the article in the New Yorker titled, “Creativity Creep,” the author describes the increasing number of books that claim to ‘teach’ creativity to the ‘uncreative.’ If work creativity interests you, check out, CEO’s now value creativity in employees more than influence or dedication.

You’re Alive, You’re Creative

I believe creativity is a way of being in the world. We do it naturally. The way we talk, the food we cook, the clothes we wear, how we appreciate nature, the list goes on and on.

I’m lightening up on the whole…”I’m not creative enough” thing. I’m just paying more attention to “being” instead of “doing.” I’ll let you know how it’s going. Be a human “being” not a human “doing.” Pass it on.

Photo credit: A Spring Scene  Rexandsharkey

Surrendering as Action

“Surrendering is action. Surrendering to what you can’t control is the most powerful form of action.” Time to quit

Surrender is not the same as quitting. Sometimes, quitting can be appropriate. Sometimes surrendering is appropriate. They are not, however, the same thing.

Quitting means, stopping. If I smoked and I stopped… then I quit. If I am in an unhappy relationship and I tell the person that I want to break up, I am quitting. If I’m on a diet and I decide that it’s too hard and start eating the way I did, pre-diet, then I quit my diet.

Surrender, on the other hand is an acknowledgement that my way isn’t working. That whatever I was trying to do, in the way I was trying to do it, isn’t effective. Maybe the goal was too lofty or incorrect. Maybe the goal wasn’t logical or ethical.

Surrender may led to quitting, but often, true surrender leads to an acknowledgement that MY ego, MY will, MY, MY, MY… isn’t the only way. It leads to a new way of looking at things. A new approach.

As I’ve mentioned before, my parents were alcoholics. For so long, I thought I had to be strong, smart, ‘right’. That I had to control everything (honestly… I still fight this battle). But I didn’t get the peace of mind or sense of serenity I longed for, until I surrendered. Until I learned that my will isn’t ‘right’ and my way isn’t the only way…not until then, did I find happiness.

As an example, I stayed in a job much longer than I should have. Had I surrendered, acknowledged that the job wasn’t right, I would have benefited greatly. Instead I just stayed and stayed and ultimately, was let go.

Big changes are ahead for me in the near future. I wonder if I’ve learned to surrender. I’ll let you know how it’s going.

Photo credit: I surrender, 39 days old Jessicafm

Success – How High You Bounce After You Hit Bottom

Army Photography Contest - 2007 - FMWRC - Arts and Crafts - The Colors Emerge</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<p>Photo By: SPC Aristide Lavey</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<p>To learn more about the annual U.S. Army Photography Competition, visit us online at <a href="http://www.armymwr.com" rel=&qu...

Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom (Gen. George Patton)

Thinking back on my career, I see 5 turning points, i.e. mistakes:

  • blabbing when I should have kept my mouth shut (my most common)
  • being disrespectful to a boss
  • not admitting when I was wrong

As I suffered the consequences of my actions (getting fired or pulled off a big project); I berated myself. What helped me was…

  • talking about it to someone I trusted
  • telling myself that I am human
  • examining why I behaved that way (what was in it for me)

This last step is where I learned the most. When I would act against my own best interest, there was usually something to justify it. “He deserved to be taken down a peg.” “They don’t admit their mistakes, why should I?”

My self-defeating behavior stemmed from insecurity and a lack of self understanding.

Success depends on learning from mistakes. Mistakes are good. They wear down our sharp edges. I can look in the mirror and smile. Make friends with your mistakes.

Photo Credit: The Colors Emerge   Familymwr