Posts tagged: Change

Crashes and Rebounds

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The Crash

On Tuesday, I flew from my home in NY to Los Angeles, on the way there, my computer hard drive crashed. So now I’m away from home, with a dead computer. I’m not going home for 3 weeks. The first thing is not to panic. Right after I panicked…I started making phone calls…to Apple, to my computer backup company, to anyone who would answer my call.

When I worked at a big company… these things got ‘handled.’ Now that I’m work in a small business, these things are all “do-it-yourself.” I’m not complaining, I’m just reminded that we often think that the other person’s situation is better. Working in a big company has ‘support’ so you don’t have to deal with problems like this. In a little company, you have to rely on yourself and your ingenuity (and hopefully planning) to solve problems.

The Rebound

Life is full of crashes and we can’t predict when they’ll come or how we’ll deal with it when it does. I try to think of the crash like water. When a river meets an obstacle, it finds a way to flow. When we are crashing, after we calm down, we learn to rebound. And it is in the rebounding that we learn what we’re made of. We also learn our most valuable lessons. Ones that stay with us. Ones that make us who we are.

As for my computer, it’s is dead. My new computer is wonderful; smaller, lighter, easier. The transition wasn’t fun, but the outcome is cool. If it’s been a while since you’ve crashed, get ready because surely one is coming. If you’re in the middle of a crash, whatever form that crash might take, know that I am cheering for you. You can do it!

Image Credit: Car crash

Discipline is Freedom

“There is no dignity quite so impressive, and no independence quite so important, as living within your means”  Calvin Coolidge

Modern Living

Living within your means… in other words… not spending more than you earn… is important. Many of us don’t live this way. If we did, we wouldn’t have statistics like this. Source: Value Penguin

  • Average American Household Debt: $5,700. Average for balance-carrying households: $16,048
  • Total Outstanding U.S. Consumer Debt: $3.4 trillion. Total revolving debt: $929 billion

Unfortunately, there are plenty of people, who, for a variety of reasons, find themselves in debt. I grew up in a middle lower income household to a single mother. I know what financial struggle feels like. This isn’t for those people.

I’m talking to those who feel that getting more stuff, a bigger house, more clothes, etc. is not only a good idea, but necessary to feel ok.

Retail Therapy

I get the appeal of stuff; when we get something new, we feel special. When we are feeling down or our self esteem is low; many of us shop. The problem occurs when we rely on “getting “stuff” to make us feel whole or special. . The truth is that buying stuff will never really make us feel better. The little “boost” we feel from that getting something new fades quickly. Trying to have as nice a car or house or clothes or vacations as our neighbors or celebrities is a path to sadness.

In times of transition, what we used before to give ourselves a little boost, may not work anymore. We may need to eat, drink, shop, smoke, whatever we’ve used… even more. The transition feels overwhelming, we have trouble adjusting, so we do more and then even more.

Building From Within

There are a few things that work for me, work. None are sexy. None cost much. All of them feed my spirit. When I live within my means, when I am disciplined with my money and don’t look for “stuff” to make me feel better, I win.

  • A walk in the woods or a visit to water
  • Helping someone else
  • Sitting quietly
  • Listening to music
  • Looking at or making art

I hope you have things that help you find peace and feed your sense of well-being. Please share them.

Inspiration for this post goes to Charles Tijou

Image credit: Mary Lynn – Coins

Ignorance is a Choice

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Calvin and Hobbes on Ignorance - Bill Watterson

The Ugh-ly Truth

We live in interesting times. We have to work hard to keep up with the way the world is changing. Some of it we like. Some of it we don’t. We may have very good reasons why we won’t accept this change or that different way of thinking, doing or being. But we do have a choice.

We can open our minds to what others think and be tolerant and accepting. Or we can choose to shut down, get angry or refuse to listen to anyone who doesn’t agree with us. The former requires us to change, personally. The latter is merely reacting.

The Kids Are Watching

Worse yet, whether or not we accept others points of view becomes a generational tendency. As parents, if we are unwilling to work to change, then that’s what we teach our kids. They don’t do what we say, they do what we do. We are role models. Ignorance is choice.

Image Credit:  Bill Watterson

Easy To Be Hard

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But…

I’ve come to realize that it’s actually easier to be hard and cynical, than it is to be helpful and thoughtful. When I have a new idea, I’ve learned not to share it with many people because I know the kind of reaction I’m going to get, especially from those who don’t like risk. They’ll tell me it’s a good idea but… The “but” always gets me. It’s often accompanied with a wide array of ‘reasons’ why my idea will never work or why I shouldn’t try something. No matter what I try or how hard I work… it’s gonna flop.

This is what young people and dreamers face everyday.

Just Listen, Without Judgement

It’s easy to be hard, to criticize, to put someone else down. It’s hard to support, with your time and energy, people who are trying to take a risk. Listen to yourself when you talk to teens, young people and those trying something new. Do you offer to help? Do you listen and support unconditionally, without judgement? I encourage each of us to do this, not only for others, but also for and to ourselves.

It’s easy to be hard on ourselves. It’s easy to question, criticize and find fault, mostly because we think we know what we … coulda, shoulda, woulda done. Let’s all lighten up on ourselves and others. Shut off the critical voice.  Show some compassion to everyone you meet. We all need it.

Image credit: It’s Awfully Easy

Patience is an Action

This guy gets me almost all the time. It seems like there's someone sitting there at the bus atop but nope, it's a statue.

“Patience is also a form of action.”―Auguste Rodin

Modern Living

I don’t know about you, but patience isn’t my long suit. I think I know best, I think other people should do what I think they should do and then I get antsy when they don’t do it. Pretty insane. And yet, I keep doing it because… I’m a type A, know-it-all, fancy pants.

Many decisions in life seem really important:

  • What courses to take in high school that will lead to what college I attend that will lead to what I do for a living that will lead to who I meet and marry… OMG. The pressure that teen feels to ‘figure out’ their “whole life” by 15 or 16 is overwhelming.
  • What do I wear to the job interview? What should I put on my resume? What if I’m not “good enough” to work there.
  • Do I make my kids go to church/synagogue/temple?

The list goes on and on.

Why Patience?

Now that I’m old… I see the benefit in focusing more on the ‘little’ decisions. Did I exercise today? Am I getting enough rest? Am I feeling hungry, angry, lonely or tired? If I am, then I think it’s a good idea to tend to those needs right now.

I can see that focusing on this moment, right here, serves larger goals. If I make a decision under duress, because others want me to, then I’ll likely have my priorities mixed up.

Patience is the gift of waiting. Waiting to make the decision. Being quiet until I ‘hear’ the right answer from inside my own head. It takes a lot to know that the time isn’t right to make the decision.

Parents are the Worst

I’m lucky. My kids are grown, healthy and have people that love them. I don’t need to try to influence them anymore. But parents of today’s teens have lots to worry about. You may make it worse when you insist that you know best, in every situation. Maybe your kid knows best in this situation. Once they reach a certain age … the consequences of those decisions will be theirs. If they have proved trustworthy, trust them.

If you believe in yourself, then trust yourself. Just for today, have patience with yourself and those around you. Take a deep breath.

Image credit: Bus Stop Statue  JDNX

You’ll Understand (When You’re Older)

i wish it was summer already :\

 It Doesn’t Make Sense To You Now

Remember when people said this to you? “I can’t explain it to you, you’ll understand when you’re older.” That answer is infuriating, isn’t it? In some ways it’s true and in other ways, it’s bullsh*t. I am acutely aware of how we “older people” talk to younger people. I don’t mean little kids necessarily, but even with them, we don’t give them a ‘straight’ answer. We say, “Eat because children in Africa are hungry.” We don’t say, ” There are children who live 2 miles from us that are hungry.” We don’t drive them over to this neighborhood and show them how to help others. Look, this isn’t a lecture. Each of us has to raise our children the way we see fit.

They Know the Truth

What I’m pointing out is that I’d like each of us to consider how we talk to our children and not just those that live in our houses, but all young people. They know the truth. Much more than we want to admit. Kids are very sophisticated these days. We can argue about whether this is good or bad but there’s no turning back. They have a computer in a phone, they have way too much stimulation and are aware of what is good and bad in the world beyond where they probably should. Denying that there are problems doesn’t serve them. Acting as if they have no power is useless. It takes courage to be a good parent, good citizen, good role model. And it takes hard work. With so many things in the world to worry about, how do we tell them the truth without causing them undue worry and harm?

I’m Older and I Still Don’t Understand

Even though my next birthday will be a ‘speed limit’ (65), I am dumbfounded at how much I don’t understand the world. My goal is to take action, to do what I can to change what I can and I pray to know the difference between what I need to accept and what I can do something about.

Image Credit: Sophie in Red Hat  Mike DelGaudio 

With Walls of Purest White  Erin MC Hammer

The Case for Kindness

“Practice kindness all day, to everybody, and you will realize you’re already in heaven now.” Jack Kerouac

Why Kindness? Why Everyday?

I recently was surprised with a service award for volunteer work. I was mortified that they were recognizing me at their annual luncheon and I was caught off guard. (If they had told me they were going to do it, I would have said no so… it was the only way it would happen.) Despite my “self-conciousness,” I was very grateful for their kind recognition of my effort.

When I was giving my (unexpected) acceptance speech, I heard myself say, “the first 40 years of my life were tough but the last 25 have been good.” I didn’t plan to say that, it’s just what came out.

I think this explains why I remember so many kindnesses (large and small) that have been shown to me over the years. I hope it explains why I try so hard to be of service to others.  I know that many people I meet are in the middle of some difficulty. If I can show them a little kindness, a smile, just reach out and be human… maybe their day will be a little bit better. And maybe mine will too.

Intention

Kindness doesn’t cost anything. It only takes the desire and intention to show as many people as possible, everyday, a small kindness. I suppose it’s possible, that this is how the world gets changed.

Image credit: Begin the Beginning

The Case for Silly

What Ever Happened to Silly?

If you’re fortunate enough to be around kids under the age of 10, you know you’re going to get into the sillies. One kid says something and then soon everyone is giggling and carrying on. I love this. I live for this.

Younger kids aren’t all judgy. They might try to one up each other in the silly department, but mostly, everyone settles in for a good snort.

Something happens to us when we become teenagers. Most of us become silly-averse. We decide we need to act ‘grown up’ and our silly days are behind us. We get cynical, ‘cool’, and generally stuck up. The disintegration into hilarity rarely happens any more. What the heck happens to us?

Even as parents, we seem to forget to encourage the sillies. We’re so busy ‘teaching’ our kids to talk, read,  study, practice, whatever (all very important duties!), we seem to forget that laughing, and laughing in most basic way, is key to a happy life.

Let’s Revive the Silly Tree

I have the great good fortune to have 7 grandchildren, several of whom live in the same city as me and all of whom are under the age of 9. My ability to get to some silliness is pretty easy. But what if you are one of those people who doesn’t have access to little ones, you have to improvise. Here are a few ideas:

  1. Remember what’s it’s like to be kid, find a kid to hang around, volunteer around kids, etc. The fastest way to get there is to go to those who are closest to the source. Laughing is really good. If you need some hints, ask people what they do.
  2. Making people laugh is the purest form of ‘pay it forward.’  Watch this Ted talk on the power of laughter to save lives. (It starts off slow but it’s worth it if you can stick with it).
  3. Laughter yoga?  You exercise your body and your mind (and hopefully your spirit), but do you know how to exercise your silly muscle?
  4. Here’s what the world renowned Mayo Clinic says about laughing.
  5. Go to the library or the bookstore (remember those buildings that house real books?), go to the humor section. Read the joke books. Read funny authors. I happen to like Dave Barry, Steve Martin, Jim Gaffigan, and a raft of kids books like Amelia Bedelia. Don’t forget the movies! I’ll recommend a few of my favorite but what I think is funny may not be your cup of tea. Anything by Monty Python, Airplane!, The Jerk.

But I Want to Be Grumpy

I understand. Being overworked, under appreciated, running around, busy all the time, leaves us very little time for silly. But somehow, I hope we’ll all, just for a minute, today, pretend that there is nothing more important than seeing the silly in the world.

Q: What did one toilet say to the other? A: You look a bit flushed.

Read more at: http://www.ducksters.com/jokes/silly.php
This text is Copyright © Ducksters. Do not use without permission.

Photo credit: Typical Riley Pose  peasap

The Tides of Confidence

PHOTO CAPTION: Delegates at the Pacific Youth Leadership Forum negotiate a confidence-building exercise at Camp H.R. Erdman, a YMCA camp located on the North Shore in Hawaii. The YLF was sponsored and hosted by Installation Management Command-Paci...

Confidence Comes and Goes

I was thinking about my confidence. How it comes and goes like the ocean tides. Sometimes, I feel supremely confident. Like my decisions, my thought process and my ability to ‘pull it off’ are good. No doubts, no questions. Then something happens. I’m never quite sure what happens. Suddenly, I’m questioning everything.

Like the ocean tides (although thankfully not as predictable!), my confidence almost disappears. I can’t control when I feel confident and when I don’t. For me, the first step is to realize when the tide is in (I’m confident!) and when it’s out (OMG, I can’t do anything right). The tricky part is to own the feeling and acknowledge when I’ve done something to deserve the feeling.

I Want to Be Confident All the Time

Because I carried a lot of responsibility at a very young age, I learned to depend on myself. And I know that I can… do a lot of different things, fix what’s broken, change, lead, and make good decisions. I know that I can come off as very confident. As a person who knows what’s going on and can handle things, and oftentimes, I can. But sometimes, I am paralyzed. I don’t know what to do and I can’t quite seem to muster any of that confidence that has served me so well.

In a heart beat, my confidence is like low tide, stinky and exposing everything. It’s like I only have 2 switches – on and OFF. This is not good. Cocky is bad. It doesn’t serve anything.  A dish rag doesn’t either. The really confident person stands a certain way. Even if they are unsure, they pay attention to their body language. They stand up straight, they smile, they’re usually kind.

Monitor the Tide

When it’s low tide , I try this: 1) take a deep breath (no really, do it now… take a deep breath)  2) stand a little taller 3) think of someone who loves me (unconditionally) 4) remember I can trust myself. Practice feeling confident when you’re not ‘feeling it’. Fake it ’til you make it. This is a very important skill.  Modeling this skill for our children is powerful. Realizing that confidence comes and goes like the tides, means that when I’m paralyzed… I have choices. And I won’t feel this way forever.

Image credit: Pacific Region Hosts   familymwr

Banana Management

I've been ignoring you for too long

Banana Management Is Serious Business

If you have a baby at home, you likely know about banana management. This is the art and science of making sure you have enough ripe bananas on hand for your baby (without running to the store everyday to get new ones). When my kids were little, they loved bananas. It was a job to make sure that I had enough bananas, at all stages of “ripeness” to satisfy their banana needs, not too green (tasteless and too hard) or too brown (too mushy, not to mention the fruit flies). Add to that the fact that my kids went to day care part time so that meant that I couldn’t just keep bananas for home, they had to be ready to go into lunch bag. Are you snickering at this “silly” topic? Then you’ve never had to get kids packed up and out the door!

Bananas Are Just The Start

I haven’t had to deal with banana management for a long time, but it struck me that the business of managing a commodity in everyday life probably takes more time than we imagine. If you run a household, you spend a lot of time juggling all kinds of ‘bananas.’ Toilet paper. Dish washing soap. Milk. If you add children to that, now the ‘banana management’ theory extents to all kinds of stuff like paperwork, homework, lessons, sports, etc. If I don’t sign the permission slip (for my kid’s field trip) today, it might disappear and then what?

If you see someone who has a boring wardrobe? Maybe they are managing a lot of bananas and trying to figure out what to wear in the morning isn’t that important. The stories about Steve Jobs and his black turtle neck or Mark Zuckerberg’s tee shirt tell part of this story. Managing the puts and takes of daily life, especially if you have a family, is a lot of work. If you can simplify any parts of the work, then do it.

Just Say No

There’s always someone who wants you to do one more thing. Can you help here? Can you do this? Would you mind? For today, just say no, I have bananas to manage. They’ll probably never ask you for anything again.

Image credit: CRW_2419  30 cent yellow banana