Posts tagged: confidence

Irritation: A First World Problem

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/10/19/e7/1019e7348e545e536f8a3e4f719cf67c.jpg

“Irritation is a privilege. It’s the least useful emotion and… it’s a choice.” Seth Godin

Heebie Geebies

I  have been irritable lately. I noticed that I was being short with people, interrupting them, feeling jumpy… but I didn’t know why. I read this excellent blog post from Seth Godin “On Being Irritated,” and I made a decision to immediately take action to get off the crabby bus.

Honestly, I did know why I was feeling irritable … but I wasn’t sure what to do about it. I was obsessively thinking about things. I was not taking good care of myself. I was taking on too much. This is a familiar pattern for me and I thought I had defeated this demon. Wrong! Bad habits and negative thoughts/behaviors can sneak up on me.

Don’t Try Harder, Try Different

For me, when I’m irritable… it may be because I’m hungry, angry, lonely or tired. So I look first at these 4 things  to see how I can fix them. Then it may be that I am expecting something from someone and they are not coming through. Now my job is to make sure that I have made it clear what I expect, need, or want. The other person is free to say no, ignore me, or suggest something else. My job is make sure that I have been clear, with myself and them. Then I can deal with the situation from a position of clarity. I may be upset but at least I know what I need.

Caution: Feeling Irritable May Be Habit-Forming

There is huge difference between irritable and depressed/lost/hopeless. Irritation is minor, these other feelings are not. Look beneath your ‘irritableness.’ If you are feeling lost or hopeless or if there are people in your life telling you that ‘something is wrong’… then most likely ‘something is wrong.’ Pay close(r) attention. If you’re just crabby, because you’re crabby, then please take good care of yourself. The world needs you at your best.

Image credit: Image

The Return on Investment of Reading

My summer reading pile. From top to bottom: "Rhode Island Notebook" - Gabe Gudding "Freakonomics" - Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner "How to be Alone" - Jonathan Frazen "A Handbook of ...

Why Should I Read Books?

In the age of Twitter (and I love Twitter), the time and energy for reading books is shrinking. Especially the kind of books that help us grow our businesses. Isn’t it easier to read ‘articles’, blog posts (yeah, like this one!) or your favorite business news source?

Here’s what goes on in my head…. Reading a book… ugh. It’ll take a long time. Not only do I not have a couple of hours to read a book, I don’t have the mental energy it takes to concentrate on a business book. My days are just too busy.

But often, the smartest person in the room, the one with a good perspective and ideas,  is the one who reads books. If you ask them what is the most recent business book they read, they’ll have a ready answer. We read books in school, but once we get out, we think it’s either not necessary or a luxury we can’t afford.

Skill Building

“In medical school, an ongoing lesson is that there will be ongoing lessons. You’re never done. Surgeons and internists are expected to keep studying for their entire career—in fact, it’s required to keep a license valid.” He continues, “knowledge workers, though, the people who” manage, market, and do accounting— “often act as if they’re fully baked, that more training and learning is not just unnecessary but a distraction. The average knowledge worker reads fewer than one business book a year.”  Seth Godin

When I read a book, one that requires me to actually think, as opposed to my favorite mysteries, I have to focus 100% on the page. It’s one of the few times during the day (or evening) that I do only one thing at a time. I get to concentrate on just one thing and I build skills, knowledge, and perspective.

Finding The “Right” Investment

One of the hardest things for me is to figure out is ‘what’ to read. There are so many books! A quick search indicates there are some 11,000 business books published every year. How in the world can I sift through all that noise to find something that will actually give me some return for my precious time?

Here’s how I try to figure out what to read. I think about:

  1. An author, is this someone who has written something that I learned from before?
  2. A general business book that brings a big picture into focus (as opposed to ‘marketing’ or ‘finance’ or some other sub topic.)
  3. Bigger ideas or technology trends… not just specific companies or individual technologies.
  4. Books where the author has done research. The research means that the author had a hypothesis and then tested it.

Some of My  Favorites

  1. Anything by Chris Anderson, Amy Cuddy, Brene Brown, Daniel Gilbert, Josh Bernoff, Charlene Li, Seth Godin.
  2. Traditional favorites like: Warren Bennis on Leadership, Michael Gerber on Entrepreneurship and my all time favorite – Peter Drucker on anything he ever wrote about.

I’d love to hear how you select what books you will read and who your favorite authors are. Thanks!

Photo Credit: Summer reading list

 

Strength is Elastic (Not Steel)

Do you equate strength with the following?

  • Loud
  • Brusque
  • Aggressive
  • Reluctance to “give in”
  • Authoritative
  • Fast talking/Quick witted
  • Unemotional

If you do, I ask you to think carefully about your definition of strength.

Real strength has flexibility and resilience. Think of the power of water… it is powerful in it’s own way. Think of people who have changed the world for the better. Seldom are they the loudest people in the room. They may have an unrelenting drive… like water… but they don’t have to bully and belittle. They know that building up others, leading with self awareness and grace, are a more powerful force than any muscle flex or shouted order.

“Strength begins with unwavering resilience, not brittle aggression.” Seth Godin

Image credit: Bands 3

Walk Through The Fire

Image result for what matters most is how you walk through fire

“There are times when those eyes inside your brain stare back at you.”
Charles Bukowski, What Matters Most is How Well You Walk Through the Fire

I don’t know about you, but I spend way too much time in my head. I think about what other people are doing, why they’re doing it. I let their moods, problems, ideas effect me … more than they should. I rationalize that people are the most important thing on the planet so thinking about them is good! I think about the way:

  • they feel
  • they’re treated
  • what happens to them
  • whether they have food, friends, a home
  • how they feel in relation to other people

I was born a white, middle class girl. I know something of what it’s like to be a ‘minority’ because I’m a female and I’ve been put down, ignored, belittled, and shunned… in my personal and professional life.  I have a taste, the tiniest taste of what many people experience on a daily basis, just because they were born.

I’ve had a little taste of the ‘fire’, the pain and sadness. I hope I have walked through with some grace. At this point in my life, I want to see what I can do to help those whose fire is fixable or improved by education, political action, attitude adjustments, and perhaps a bit of magic, love and prayer.

I watched television host Trevor Noah talk about his upbringing and his book, Born A Crime.  Here’s where the title comes from:

“I was born a crime,” Noah said. “I was born to a black South African mother and a white Swiss father during Apartheid in South Africa, so them doing ‘the thing’ was illegal.” Apartheid , the despicable practice of white separatist rule in South Africa, only ended in 1990. Yes, 1990! The fact that Noah was born in 1984 to a black mother and a white father was literally a crime. How’s that for a fire to walk through?

When Noah is asked what he thinks about Americans complaining about our rights being taken away. His answer, “I never judge somebody for thinking their world is tough, because it is tough, to you.” Trevor Noah has walked through the fire and come out a man showing us how to live with the scars… with grace and humor. I tip my hat.

Change Sucks

Image result for change sucks

“The best way out is always through.” Robert Frost

Change Sucks

Ok, so I’m going along in my life… things are okay, not terrible. Then all of a sudden (well it’s seems sudden), things fall apart. What the heck happened. I didn’t change! They did! I didn’t do anything wrong, they did! Why did they have to________? (fill in the blank) Why is __________happening to me? How come they always __________? If they would just listen to me about __________, none of this would have happened! I don’t want to change!

The Best Way to Cope With Change…

The best way to cope with change is to create it. This sucks too because it requires a lot of work. Ugh. It means I have to look at myself and figure out what my part is in creating this new reality. Then I have to figure out why I’m resisting it and THEN actually make the transition. It’s so much easier to just leave things as they are.

The problem is that life (your life, my life, everyone’s life) is in the middle of change, all the time. It’s just the way it is. We are creatures of habit. It takes energy and strength to create something new.

Looking for Role Models

As I look around for people who go with the “storm” rather than resist it, guess who does it best? Young people. Teens. Not only are the excited by change, they embrace it, they long for it, they see it as a positive force. Yes, there is a lot of emotion that spill out of them, but change is messy and hard. It’s normal for a lot of feelings to emerge from the chaos. Granted, many have not yet developed the sophisticated (cough, cough) coping mechanism that we ‘adults’ have.

Watch them. See how they love the new music, new technology, new places? Look at the world through their eyes. It’s real gift.

Ignorance is a Choice

Image result for ignorance

Calvin and Hobbes on Ignorance - Bill Watterson

The Ugh-ly Truth

We live in interesting times. We have to work hard to keep up with the way the world is changing. Some of it we like. Some of it we don’t. We may have very good reasons why we won’t accept this change or that different way of thinking, doing or being. But we do have a choice.

We can open our minds to what others think and be tolerant and accepting. Or we can choose to shut down, get angry or refuse to listen to anyone who doesn’t agree with us. The former requires us to change, personally. The latter is merely reacting.

The Kids Are Watching

Worse yet, whether or not we accept others points of view becomes a generational tendency. As parents, if we are unwilling to work to change, then that’s what we teach our kids. They don’t do what we say, they do what we do. We are role models. Ignorance is choice.

Image Credit:  Bill Watterson

Easy To Be Hard

Image result for easy to be hard

But…

I’ve come to realize that it’s actually easier to be hard and cynical, than it is to be helpful and thoughtful. When I have a new idea, I’ve learned not to share it with many people because I know the kind of reaction I’m going to get, especially from those who don’t like risk. They’ll tell me it’s a good idea but… The “but” always gets me. It’s often accompanied with a wide array of ‘reasons’ why my idea will never work or why I shouldn’t try something. No matter what I try or how hard I work… it’s gonna flop.

This is what young people and dreamers face everyday.

Just Listen, Without Judgement

It’s easy to be hard, to criticize, to put someone else down. It’s hard to support, with your time and energy, people who are trying to take a risk. Listen to yourself when you talk to teens, young people and those trying something new. Do you offer to help? Do you listen and support unconditionally, without judgement? I encourage each of us to do this, not only for others, but also for and to ourselves.

It’s easy to be hard on ourselves. It’s easy to question, criticize and find fault, mostly because we think we know what we … coulda, shoulda, woulda done. Let’s all lighten up on ourselves and others. Shut off the critical voice.  Show some compassion to everyone you meet. We all need it.

Image credit: It’s Awfully Easy

Do What You Say

http://www.jarofquotes.com/img/quotes/bc6fe82635b1429d3e886eec0fc34f49.jpg

Short Rant

I must be getting old. I notice more and more that people say they’ll do things and then they don’t do them. Argh.

When I was younger, I ran myself ragged trying to do all the things I said I would. Then I got older and had more responsibilities and I still ran ragged. All because I didn’t know how to say no or I volunteered too much. My fault. But somehow, many adults feel it’s ok to agree to do something and then just — never do it!

I am more aware today that when someone asks me for help and then they never follow up. Or worse, we set up a meeting and then they forget. Last time I checked, grown-ups are supposed to remember their commitments. Especially when they are asking for someone’s time.

We’re All Given the Same Amount of Time

This came up because I upgraded the software on my computer and thought I lost my calendar. I tried not to panic as I realized that I had lots of meetings and commitments that I might miss. I was mortified. So I started reaching out to people that I could remember I had appointments with and asking them to confirm our date/time. In the meantime, I recovered my calendar but it was really interesting to see who had remembered to mark their calendar and who hadn’t.

Today I am examining my own behavior. How often do I say I will do something and not do it? I don’t think it’s very often but I decided if I’m going to rant, I’d better be certain that I’m not guilty of the same thing. What do I do with the precious time I’ve been given? Do I have balance between what I need, what I want, what my family needs, earning money, charitable giving (time and money)? Keep track of your time for 2 weeks and see where… it all goes.

Say What You Need to Say

John Meyer song, “Say What You Need To Say” is playing in my head. “It’s better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say… Even if your hands are shakin’ and your faith is broken… do it with a heart wide open.”It’s straightforward but not easy.

I remember being expected to:  say what I mean, mean what I say and do what I say.

Looking in the Mirror

I’m convinced that successful people are more likely to do what they say they will than unsuccessful people. Here’s “Ten Steps to Actually Doing What You Say You Will.” Good reading. I’m going to follow these steps and then repeat #10, forgive myself when I don’t do what I said I would, and commit to worker harder.

Oh, and I meant to tell all of you who read my blog, thank you. Thank you for your support, your kind words, your smiles.

Image credit: Jar of Quotes

Patience is an Action

This guy gets me almost all the time. It seems like there's someone sitting there at the bus atop but nope, it's a statue.

“Patience is also a form of action.”―Auguste Rodin

Modern Living

I don’t know about you, but patience isn’t my long suit. I think I know best, I think other people should do what I think they should do and then I get antsy when they don’t do it. Pretty insane. And yet, I keep doing it because… I’m a type A, know-it-all, fancy pants.

Many decisions in life seem really important:

  • What courses to take in high school that will lead to what college I attend that will lead to what I do for a living that will lead to who I meet and marry… OMG. The pressure that teen feels to ‘figure out’ their “whole life” by 15 or 16 is overwhelming.
  • What do I wear to the job interview? What should I put on my resume? What if I’m not “good enough” to work there.
  • Do I make my kids go to church/synagogue/temple?

The list goes on and on.

Why Patience?

Now that I’m old… I see the benefit in focusing more on the ‘little’ decisions. Did I exercise today? Am I getting enough rest? Am I feeling hungry, angry, lonely or tired? If I am, then I think it’s a good idea to tend to those needs right now.

I can see that focusing on this moment, right here, serves larger goals. If I make a decision under duress, because others want me to, then I’ll likely have my priorities mixed up.

Patience is the gift of waiting. Waiting to make the decision. Being quiet until I ‘hear’ the right answer from inside my own head. It takes a lot to know that the time isn’t right to make the decision.

Parents are the Worst

I’m lucky. My kids are grown, healthy and have people that love them. I don’t need to try to influence them anymore. But parents of today’s teens have lots to worry about. You may make it worse when you insist that you know best, in every situation. Maybe your kid knows best in this situation. Once they reach a certain age … the consequences of those decisions will be theirs. If they have proved trustworthy, trust them.

If you believe in yourself, then trust yourself. Just for today, have patience with yourself and those around you. Take a deep breath.

Image credit: Bus Stop Statue  JDNX

Five Things

Pick 5

If you could pick 5 things… right this minute… that you would like to have… right this minute… what would they be? Quick, write them down.

Be sure you write them down since having them in your head doesn’t count. Why? Because it’s easy to lose the lesson if you don’t. Do it. Write them down.

What Did You Pick

Let’s look at your list objectively. Did you put down ‘things’? Did you put down abstract concepts like love? Did you wish for things that would benefit someone else or just yourself? Look at your list. When you’re done, put it in a drawer, take it out next week.

My Picks

I am fortunate to work at home these days. When the weather is good, I’m lucky. When it’s not good, I’m lucky. I get to be out in it. This morning the temperature was perfect 70 degrees. Soft breeze blowing, lots of birds singing and swooping, my dog is pulling on her leash as we stroll the neighborhood.

When I thought of this question… I knew my answer immediately. I want my 5 senses. That’s it. I know I already have them but I don’t want to take them for granted, for one second, of one day.

  • Take a look at your hand and marvel at the wonder of all you can accomplish. Wiggle your fingers. Jump up and down.
  • Put a piece of bread in the toaster and smell the sweetness.
  • Look out your window and see, whatever you see. Revel in the miracle of sight.
  • Listen, really listen to the voice of someone you love. Can you hear the feelings behind the words? How often do you really hear their voice?
  • Yeah, ok, go get the chocolate or coffee or beer or whatever… really taste it.

You get the idea. Pay attention to your senses today.

Image credit: Five  Woodley Wonder