Posts tagged: entrepreneurs

Falling in Love With Your Imagination

Image result for imagination quote by albert einstein

“…imagination is the single most useful tool mankind possesses…”  Ursula Le Guin

Kids vs. Adults

I’ll never forget a conversation I overheard between a mother and her young child. The girl was drawing and created a what looked like a green fruit. The child looked proudly at her mom and said, “Look Mommy, I drew a green apple!” Her mother replied, “There’s no such thing as a green apple! What’s wrong with you?” The child looked crushed. Another brick was added to the wall between this young lady and her imagination.

Grown Ups vs. Fear of Looking Foolish

Most of us spend are childhoods drawing ‘green apples’ (which, as we all know, do actually exist) and then, experience people tell us that we’re ‘wrong.’ This is particularly strange since we live in a culture that, supposedly, cherishes and encourages individual expression. So what happens and why does it happen?

I overheard this conversation 20 years ago and it stayed with me.  You all probably have your own stories of squashed imaginations. If not, then it’s likely that your imagination was mangled, perhaps more subtly, over the years.

Even today, I hear people with ‘good intentions’, voicing their negative opinions about what other people are creating or imagining. First, be aware when you are being “squished.”

Falling in Love

The most important thing to do, is make sure you are aware of your imagination. Like other muscles…it has to be exercised, otherwise it grows flabby and useless. Find your way of stretching and building your imagination, the same way you exercise your body… pay attention to this precious asset.

Ideas for Exercising Imagination

  1. Notice details – Look at something for a minute (a photo, look out the window, etc.) then look away and write down as many things as you can remember.
  2. Change your perspective – Pretend you are a bird (what’s it like to see the world from the tree tops? Pretend you are a dog, a cat, a lion,or a giraffe.
  3. Imagine you live somewhere completely different – I don’t mean just a different state or even country, how about a different planet or even a black hole?

If you can find a friend to share your crazy thoughts and ideas with then great! You are lucky.  This person cheers for you because you have ideas and enjoy creating. They do not judge. They don’t even have to give ANY feedback. Just sit with you while you exercise! Now do the same, for someone else.

When you can, listen to another person’s ideas. You don’t have to give your feedback unless asked. Smile, nod, encourage. Non-judgemental listening is exercise too. Fall in love with one of your most important assets; that little place in your brain that says… hey, I’m gonna draw a purple apple.

Image credit: Top 35 Albert Einstein quotes

Self Confidence – Hard to Come By?

I’m Afraid, That’s Why I Won’t Do…

It only makes sense that if we’re afraid, we’re probably NOT going to do something. Unless we are one of those adventure-hungry people, we’re likely to avoid things we consider too risky. Now deciding what is ‘too risky’ is personal. There’s a leap of faith in entering a room of strangers for the first time, directly facing the fear of being rejected. We can, however, push forward and understand that our attitude towards risk is in our control. We all have situations where we feel afraid. How we deal with the fear, defines us.

Tension vs. Fear

In this terrific blog post, Seth Godin highlights why tension (not fear) is essential to learning, especially for adults.

“Tension is the hallmark of a great educational experience. The tension of not quite knowing where we are in the process…not having a guarantee. The tension we face any time we’re about to cross a threshold. The tension of this might work vs. this might not work. The tension of if I learn this, will I like who I become?

It’s an ironic reality of human-hood that we learn so much as a child, then our educational system (which I wholeheartedly support) sometimes works harder to drive “compliance” (rote) than learning (how to learn). So by the time we’re teenagers, it takes an act of courage to be ourselves. We learn to fear the tension associated with learning.

“Just Do It”

The reason this Nike catchphrase continues to resonate today, is that the second part of the phrase is implied. Just do it (even though you are afraid & you have doubts). It is through the very act of being ourselves, that we actually learn the most, especially if we are willing to face the good, the bad and the ugly about ourselves (we all have some of each). Understanding ourselves is the point of living. Want to build your self-confidence? It seems counter-intuitive to take MORE risk, but that’s exactly what is required. Let me know how it’s going.

For a quick assessment of your risk tolerance, check out Are You a Risk-Taker?

Image credit: Lifehack

The Whys Have It

Strobist: Shoot-through umbrella 430ex at 1/4 power up and to my left about 2 to 3 feet from subjects. The cousins get together for a photo shoot at Grandma's house. There was very little cooperation. Note to self: Bribery works better than ...

But Why?

I am visiting my 2 year old (soon to be 3) granddaughter. If you have kids, you know what happens around their third birthday… everything becomes, why? And not just single, why is that? but a continuing stream of whys. Once I answer the first why, it is often followed by 4,5, or even 6 why questions in a row.

The Power of Why

If I become even slightly impatient with the steady stream of questions, I remember that asking why is one important way to learn. It’s unfortunate that we, as adults, stop asking why. We assume that we know the answer… so we don’t ask why. Or we’re afraid to look silly or worse, not all knowing. Somehow, by virtue of our age, we’re suddenly supposed to know ‘everything.’

Growing – Personally and Professionally

On a personal level, we can ask why of people we love to better understand their thoughts and feelings. This requires us to listen to the answer. If we just ask why and don’t work to understand the answer, we are missing an opportunity to connect to those we care most about.

Professionally, have you ever heard of root cause analysis (also known as the 5 whys) ? In this problem solving exercise, a series of why questions are asked in order to get at the ‘root’ of the problem. When there is an issue, we can keep asking why (of the people who best know the answer, i.e. maybe not the manager, but the worker) until we get some at the root.

Ask Humbly

When we ask why, we have to defer to the other person’s knowledge. This is not easy for those of us who think we’re smart and know a lot. I have to practice humility, daily. I have to remind myself that things change, often. Remind myself that other people know a lot, that they see things differently from me. And that is good. Every day, I look with gratitude at the people in my life, at the work I have the privilege to be engaged in, at the beauty of the world around me.

I don’t have to ask why nature is beautiful and powerful, I just know it is. It’s there everyday, unchanged in it’s power. There are other things that don’t require a why, but not that many. ‘Why’, fills in the blanks, updates the database in our heads, changes the way we interact with people in the world.

 

Photo Credit: The Three Hams  Make Less Noise

Never Try to Up Sell an Unhappy Customer

But I’m Not Wrong!

So, you’ve had a problem with someone. Your spouse, your customer, your kids… anyone. And now you need something from them. But you don’t want to apologize because:

  1. You didn’t do anything wrong
  2. You don’t like to apologize
  3. You’re sick and tired of taking other people’s crap
  4. The other person was wrong
  5. On and on and on…

There are 1001 and reasons why you shouldn’t have to say you’re sorry. All of them perfectly justified in your mind. So I’ll ask you this one question.

Do you want to be RIGHT? Or do you want to be HAPPY?

Some people will say, well, if I’m right, then I’m happy because I know I’m right. Oookaaay. If that’s how you feel, then you are all set. Or maybe you have a great example of how being ‘right’ is more important than being happy. I’m sure there are some. My point is that when we have conflict with someone, it may be because … we want to be right.

Is the Customer Always Right?

Of course the customer is NOT always right. But the customer is ‘righter’ than we are, because we need them. They are the lifeline to our business. They have the power to influence others, positively and negatively. The same goes for our friends, loved ones, co-workers. Every day we have a choice to be ‘right’. Every day we have a choice to graciously acknowledge that other people have a right to their positions.

Trying to convince them that their point of view is wrong… is, well, wrong. Even worse, trying to convince them that we are right (the up sell), is even worse. The best we can do is to listen and see if we can find a way to bridge the gap. We can maintain our dignity (no doormats allowed), and show that we are open to hearing something different.

I wish it were easier. I wish this was a skill we were taught in school, but like many important skills, we are on our own.

Image Credit: Steve  Steve Snodgrass

Irritation: A First World Problem

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/10/19/e7/1019e7348e545e536f8a3e4f719cf67c.jpg

“Irritation is a privilege. It’s the least useful emotion and… it’s a choice.” Seth Godin

Heebie Geebies

I  have been irritable lately. I noticed that I was being short with people, interrupting them, feeling jumpy… but I didn’t know why. I read this excellent blog post from Seth Godin “On Being Irritated,” and I made a decision to immediately take action to get off the crabby bus.

Honestly, I did know why I was feeling irritable … but I wasn’t sure what to do about it. I was obsessively thinking about things. I was not taking good care of myself. I was taking on too much. This is a familiar pattern for me and I thought I had defeated this demon. Wrong! Bad habits and negative thoughts/behaviors can sneak up on me.

Don’t Try Harder, Try Different

For me, when I’m irritable… it may be because I’m hungry, angry, lonely or tired. So I look first at these 4 things  to see how I can fix them. Then it may be that I am expecting something from someone and they are not coming through. Now my job is to make sure that I have made it clear what I expect, need, or want. The other person is free to say no, ignore me, or suggest something else. My job is make sure that I have been clear, with myself and them. Then I can deal with the situation from a position of clarity. I may be upset but at least I know what I need.

Caution: Feeling Irritable May Be Habit-Forming

There is huge difference between irritable and depressed/lost/hopeless. Irritation is minor, these other feelings are not. Look beneath your ‘irritableness.’ If you are feeling lost or hopeless or if there are people in your life telling you that ‘something is wrong’… then most likely ‘something is wrong.’ Pay close(r) attention. If you’re just crabby, because you’re crabby, then please take good care of yourself. The world needs you at your best.

Image credit: Image

The Return on Investment of Reading

My summer reading pile. From top to bottom: "Rhode Island Notebook" - Gabe Gudding "Freakonomics" - Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner "How to be Alone" - Jonathan Frazen "A Handbook of ...

Why Should I Read Books?

In the age of Twitter (and I love Twitter), the time and energy for reading books is shrinking. Especially the kind of books that help us grow our businesses. Isn’t it easier to read ‘articles’, blog posts (yeah, like this one!) or your favorite business news source?

Here’s what goes on in my head…. Reading a book… ugh. It’ll take a long time. Not only do I not have a couple of hours to read a book, I don’t have the mental energy it takes to concentrate on a business book. My days are just too busy.

But often, the smartest person in the room, the one with a good perspective and ideas,  is the one who reads books. If you ask them what is the most recent business book they read, they’ll have a ready answer. We read books in school, but once we get out, we think it’s either not necessary or a luxury we can’t afford.

Skill Building

“In medical school, an ongoing lesson is that there will be ongoing lessons. You’re never done. Surgeons and internists are expected to keep studying for their entire career—in fact, it’s required to keep a license valid.” He continues, “knowledge workers, though, the people who” manage, market, and do accounting— “often act as if they’re fully baked, that more training and learning is not just unnecessary but a distraction. The average knowledge worker reads fewer than one business book a year.”  Seth Godin

When I read a book, one that requires me to actually think, as opposed to my favorite mysteries, I have to focus 100% on the page. It’s one of the few times during the day (or evening) that I do only one thing at a time. I get to concentrate on just one thing and I build skills, knowledge, and perspective.

Finding The “Right” Investment

One of the hardest things for me is to figure out is ‘what’ to read. There are so many books! A quick search indicates there are some 11,000 business books published every year. How in the world can I sift through all that noise to find something that will actually give me some return for my precious time?

Here’s how I try to figure out what to read. I think about:

  1. An author, is this someone who has written something that I learned from before?
  2. A general business book that brings a big picture into focus (as opposed to ‘marketing’ or ‘finance’ or some other sub topic.)
  3. Bigger ideas or technology trends… not just specific companies or individual technologies.
  4. Books where the author has done research. The research means that the author had a hypothesis and then tested it.

Some of My  Favorites

  1. Anything by Chris Anderson, Amy Cuddy, Brene Brown, Daniel Gilbert, Josh Bernoff, Charlene Li, Seth Godin.
  2. Traditional favorites like: Warren Bennis on Leadership, Michael Gerber on Entrepreneurship and my all time favorite – Peter Drucker on anything he ever wrote about.

I’d love to hear how you select what books you will read and who your favorite authors are. Thanks!

Photo Credit: Summer reading list

 

Strength is Elastic (Not Steel)

Do you equate strength with the following?

  • Loud
  • Brusque
  • Aggressive
  • Reluctance to “give in”
  • Authoritative
  • Fast talking/Quick witted
  • Unemotional

If you do, I ask you to think carefully about your definition of strength.

Real strength has flexibility and resilience. Think of the power of water… it is powerful in it’s own way. Think of people who have changed the world for the better. Seldom are they the loudest people in the room. They may have an unrelenting drive… like water… but they don’t have to bully and belittle. They know that building up others, leading with self awareness and grace, are a more powerful force than any muscle flex or shouted order.

“Strength begins with unwavering resilience, not brittle aggression.” Seth Godin

Image credit: Bands 3

Patience is an Action

This guy gets me almost all the time. It seems like there's someone sitting there at the bus atop but nope, it's a statue.

“Patience is also a form of action.”―Auguste Rodin

Modern Living

I don’t know about you, but patience isn’t my long suit. I think I know best, I think other people should do what I think they should do and then I get antsy when they don’t do it. Pretty insane. And yet, I keep doing it because… I’m a type A, know-it-all, fancy pants.

Many decisions in life seem really important:

  • What courses to take in high school that will lead to what college I attend that will lead to what I do for a living that will lead to who I meet and marry… OMG. The pressure that teen feels to ‘figure out’ their “whole life” by 15 or 16 is overwhelming.
  • What do I wear to the job interview? What should I put on my resume? What if I’m not “good enough” to work there.
  • Do I make my kids go to church/synagogue/temple?

The list goes on and on.

Why Patience?

Now that I’m old… I see the benefit in focusing more on the ‘little’ decisions. Did I exercise today? Am I getting enough rest? Am I feeling hungry, angry, lonely or tired? If I am, then I think it’s a good idea to tend to those needs right now.

I can see that focusing on this moment, right here, serves larger goals. If I make a decision under duress, because others want me to, then I’ll likely have my priorities mixed up.

Patience is the gift of waiting. Waiting to make the decision. Being quiet until I ‘hear’ the right answer from inside my own head. It takes a lot to know that the time isn’t right to make the decision.

Parents are the Worst

I’m lucky. My kids are grown, healthy and have people that love them. I don’t need to try to influence them anymore. But parents of today’s teens have lots to worry about. You may make it worse when you insist that you know best, in every situation. Maybe your kid knows best in this situation. Once they reach a certain age … the consequences of those decisions will be theirs. If they have proved trustworthy, trust them.

If you believe in yourself, then trust yourself. Just for today, have patience with yourself and those around you. Take a deep breath.

Image credit: Bus Stop Statue  JDNX

The Tides of Confidence

PHOTO CAPTION: Delegates at the Pacific Youth Leadership Forum negotiate a confidence-building exercise at Camp H.R. Erdman, a YMCA camp located on the North Shore in Hawaii. The YLF was sponsored and hosted by Installation Management Command-Paci...

Confidence Comes and Goes

I was thinking about my confidence. How it comes and goes like the ocean tides. Sometimes, I feel supremely confident. Like my decisions, my thought process and my ability to ‘pull it off’ are good. No doubts, no questions. Then something happens. I’m never quite sure what happens. Suddenly, I’m questioning everything.

Like the ocean tides (although thankfully not as predictable!), my confidence almost disappears. I can’t control when I feel confident and when I don’t. For me, the first step is to realize when the tide is in (I’m confident!) and when it’s out (OMG, I can’t do anything right). The tricky part is to own the feeling and acknowledge when I’ve done something to deserve the feeling.

I Want to Be Confident All the Time

Because I carried a lot of responsibility at a very young age, I learned to depend on myself. And I know that I can… do a lot of different things, fix what’s broken, change, lead, and make good decisions. I know that I can come off as very confident. As a person who knows what’s going on and can handle things, and oftentimes, I can. But sometimes, I am paralyzed. I don’t know what to do and I can’t quite seem to muster any of that confidence that has served me so well.

In a heart beat, my confidence is like low tide, stinky and exposing everything. It’s like I only have 2 switches – on and OFF. This is not good. Cocky is bad. It doesn’t serve anything.  A dish rag doesn’t either. The really confident person stands a certain way. Even if they are unsure, they pay attention to their body language. They stand up straight, they smile, they’re usually kind.

Monitor the Tide

When it’s low tide , I try this: 1) take a deep breath (no really, do it now… take a deep breath)  2) stand a little taller 3) think of someone who loves me (unconditionally) 4) remember I can trust myself. Practice feeling confident when you’re not ‘feeling it’. Fake it ’til you make it. This is a very important skill.  Modeling this skill for our children is powerful. Realizing that confidence comes and goes like the tides, means that when I’m paralyzed… I have choices. And I won’t feel this way forever.

Image credit: Pacific Region Hosts   familymwr

Be Coachable — At Any Age

But I Haven’t Got the Talent

Sometimes I hear people giving up on their goal. That can be ok. Sometimes surrender is the right thing to do. But sometimes, giving up is a very bad thing. We act as if changing ourselves or working harder wouldn’t make a difference. In our hearts, we know changing could make the difference, but we’re lazy.

Be Coachable

Because I can be stubborn, I think I missed a lot of opportunities. One of the most important was, that I didn’t take advantage of finding mentors who could guide me. I didn’t know how important they can be. I did have one. He met me, helped me get out of a dead end job and move into a job that opened a lot of doors for me. He was a very smart but difficult person. Many people didn’t like him. That was because he, unwittingly, tested people and if they couldn’t stand up to him, he would lose respect for them. People didn’t like that.

I had my chance to stand up to him. One day he snapped at me. I looked him in the eye and said, “Bob, do you have a problem with me?” He stammered, “No, why?” I replied, “Well, you just spoke harshly to me and it made me uncomfortable. I’d like to avoid exchanges like that in the future.” He apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again. And it didn’t.

I think what would happen with others, although I never saw it, was that he would snap or challenge them and because he was abrasive (not tactful), they would shrink from him. If someone is trying to toughen you up, so you can face the world… then they need to challenge you. Instead of taking it personally, see it as an opportunity. If you are an entrepreneur, this is even more important because you’ll need multiple mentors and coaches to succeed.

The Coachable Mentee

I wish I had been more open, less dogmatic. Now that I’m in my sixties, I still work to be a more approachable and “influenceable” person. What does it look like? Here are few keys:

  • Good listener
  • Able to summarize and feedback the other person’s point of view
  • Strong but pliable

Being coachable doesn’t require talent… it requires awareness… and work. Got a story about being coachable?

Image credit: Banksy on Twitter