My grandmother taught me to say (with a big smile), “Not today but try me tomorrow” when I was turning down an offer. I thought she was crazy but… she was teaching me to please others.
And so I thought I needed to say yes in order to be liked. Fortunately, I got over that.
But saying no can be difficult so here are some helpful hints for saying no,
When someone starts talking about a problem and wants you to help, you could say: “I can understand how that would be hard.”
Then say nothing more—just nod and smile while you assess what you want to do. If you can walk away without accepting any responsibility and let the person feels heard, you have all my respect. A desire to help, curiosity and wanting to be the hero all kick in for me so I have to be on guard.
How about when you’re asked to start working on a new project, you could say:
“Would you email me the details? Once I receive that, I’ll be able to give you a more definite response.”
Maybe you’ll push the project to someone else, maybe you’ll take it on. You get time to decide on a response. And don’t forget the best ever, all purpose response:
“I’ll have to get back you.”
I have a ‘Git ‘Er Done’ mentality but I want to manage my time so I can enjoy my work and my life. Got tips for saying no (besides change your personality?)
Ok, I’m an old dog and everyday, I have to learn new tricks. I don’t like it but… I like to eat so…
Here are I a few things that work for me.
– I read Mashable everyday. A daily news brief that talks about tech in business.
–I use Tweetdeck/Seesmic (Twitter application) to search for an article that I think would be of interest to my network. Then I post the link with a comment to Linked In. I do this 3 times a week.
–I talk to Millenials (20’s somethings). I am a digital immigrant (a Baby Boomer) and I can’t think like a digital native no matter how hard I try. They give me perspective and ideas and are most gracious about helping an old dog.
– Video. I use it everyday.
Want help with your job search? Or social media training in general? Check out Grovo.com
When I was on unemployment, I was really happy. Don’t get me wrong, I love having my own business but getting paid to meet people, learn new things, think about my potential, help people and so on was great.
If you are unemployed, do you see yourself as lucky? Are you having fun? Are you showing your children how to thrive in times of change? (Believe me, whatever changes you have seen in your life will be child’s play compared to what they will go through.)
Put on an elaborate puppet show for your kids (fun, colorful socks work great)
Join (or start) a book club and actually read the assigned books
Write a thank you note to an inspirational high school or college teacher
You may or may be surprised at all the “yes buts” I hear everyday. “I would join a book club but when I go back to work I won’t have time.” ” Why should I help someone else, I need help!)” blah, blah, blah. Just do it, you lucky, lucky dog.
The saddest and trickiest part about discrimination is that many people (myself included) are not aware when we’re engaging in it. This distinguishes us from the people who are simply bigots and don’t care. In both cases, however, if you are the ‘discriminee’ it doesn’t really matter.
In this ad for Nivea skin products, the company created an ad campaign for African Americans called, “Recivilize Yourself.” Hmmm. Bad move. Implying that people are civilized or uncivilized based on their race is well… infuriating. And yet, Nivea paid, I would guess, millions of dollars to put it’s prejudice into full color! Note the ‘head’ (presumably the model’s uncivilized self). WOW. How could something like this get approved in 2011? By the way, Nivea did apologize (on Facebook!)
“It was never our intention to offend anyone, and for this we are deeply sorry. This ad will never be used again. Diversity and equal opportunity are crucial values of our company.”
Don’t know about you but I’m not feeling it….
I think the bottom line for all of us is that we need to be diligent in examining our beliefs and stereotypes. Discrimination is rampant these days is against 20 somethings. I implore you to think again about this generation. As digital natives, they have skills we desperately need to learn and understand.
As a woman in business, I have experienced discrimination many times; sometimes overt, sometimes subtle. Like all those before me who have felt this sting, I have a couple of choices. I can either be upset and let it affect the way I conduct myself or I can look the person in the eye, speak my peace when appropriate and move on. There’s too much good in the world to let ignorance or someone else’s opinion of me change how I live my life.
Can we all agree that the whole job search/career thing has changed, um completely? If you happen to have one of those jobs (academia?) that isn’t changing…well, just hold on to your hats; your time is coming.
For the rest of us, whether we are 25, 40 or 55…we are wondering what to do. This terrific article by Thomas Friedman, the well-respected economist, speaks directly to the issues . Here’s an excerpt…
While employers “are hiring; they are increasingly picky” and are “all looking for the same kind of people” — those “who not only have the critical thinking skills to do the value-adding jobs that technology can’t, but also people who can invent, adapt and reinvent their jobs every day… Professionals need an entirely new mind-set and skill set to compete.”
So, exactly what skills do you need to have in order to meet this new challenge? Here’s my take:
Change agent – not just able to cope with change but create it – constantly
Collaborator – find the right people to do the job and then work together a way to get it done – fast, seamlessly and on a shoe string
Teacher/Student – learn everyday, on every project from all collaborators. See what works and what doesn’t and then help guide the team – either from a leadership or participant role – to success.
These are the skills that I am building – what would you add?
Stereotypes are not usually helpful. In some cases, however, examining our own attitudes about them may teach us some important lessons.
Executives teams often complain to me about their 20-something (Millenials- born between 1980 – 1995) employees. They claim they are:
- Obsessed by their phones, lazy, distracted, self-absorbed and entitled
I don’t happen to share those attitudes but I can see their point. I work with, teach and constantly learn from Millenials. I find them hardworking, thoughtful and eager to learn. Technology (phones etc.) are part of their DNA.
Here’s what I hear from those Millenials about their Boomer (born 1946 through 1964) bosses. They say Boomers are:
- Rigid, rude (poor listeners), afraid of technology and unable to adapt to changing times
I don’t happen to share those attitudes either, but I do see their point. I suggest reading this article to learn more about the issues of the generations working together, “How Has the Recession Shaped Career Attitudes…”
My hope is that by having the generations share ideas and help each other, we can compete effectively not with other Americans, but with the global workforce. I’m interested in your stories about effective cross-generational work environments.
Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/joi/455111587/ Notice in the photo that despite their differences; they are riding on the same train… heading in the same direction.
When I speak locally, there are usually a few people who come up and ask to connect with me. It may take a while but I try to meet everyone who asks me. I like meeting new people and it helps me reach my goal of meeting 5+ new people a week. Do you have a goal to meet a certain number of new people a week? Whether you are a business owner or a job seeker, meeting new people is critical.
Most job seekers don’t really have any idea of who they want to meet. Whether you call it your “marketing plan” or target list – please know who you want to meet, and not just oh the hiring manager after you have a particular job in your sights. If you’re not sure, get a job search buddy or join a networking group to help you and here are a few ideas.
Think about people in your current, related or desired fields who have a good reputation and are in:
– Academia or are Vendors/Suppliers or Sales People
Think about targeting people in companies where you might be interested in working. Get introduced to people who are in leadership positions in non profits or on Boards of nonprofits and individuals who teach skills you are interested in learning. And last but not least, meet with people who know a lot of people (network with networkers!) Use Linked In to find the names of people you want to meet.
When I attend a networking event, I am usually there to meet someone I have identified as a potential contact. Someone I hope to help so that they will remember me when they need a consultant. Make that list, check it twice and go out and meet some new people. You’ll be glad you did.
Oh my but the world of job search is changing in so many ways, I feel like my head is going to explode. This article, “How Real Time Web Changes Job Search,”is jammed full of ideas, websites and concepts relating to job search.
If you are in HR or looking for work; you need to read this article. Here are just few of the highlights:
- On Twitter alone “more than a million tweets about job openings go out every month from 6,000+ employers and 7,700+ job channels via TweetMyJOBS.com
- The traditional job board is disappearing and being replaced by ‘direct sourcing’ which is when hiring decision-makers “identify, reach out to, engage, and convert” only the highly desirable candidates. Passive candidates become the new gold. The better your digital footprint, the easier you’ll be to find.
- Job sites are adding “Who do I know”? buttons to their sites so you can see who you know at a company without going to Linked In.
And one of my favorites… Paid Interviews.com. It actually pays candidates when they successfully interview (read: get hired) and has a virtual water cooler feature which is “a place for candidates to talk about their past employment experiences, it’s like Amazon product ratings, but for companies. It’s a place where you can get unbiased answers about employers around the world.”
If you’re a company with a lousy culture… the good old days might be evaporating before your very eyes. Between sites like paidinterviews.com and glassdoor.com and social networking; hiding is going to get tougher. Ahhh, transparency. Welcome.
CEO’s aren’t always the smartest people in the room but they have earned the right to be heard. I recently read an interview with Barry Salzberg, the CEO of Deloitte and liked his comments about hiring. People who are looking for work or want to successfully interview for their next position may benefit from his advice.
Mr. Salzberg asks potential employees:
- What values that are most important to you?
- How have you demonstrated your commitment to those values in the last 2 years?
- Tell me about something recently that didn’t go well and what did you do about it.
His advice:
1) “Pay it forward and take care of people.” When was the last time you mentored someone? If the CEO asks you that question, would you have a great answer? One that would make him/her proud to know you?
2) ” Brand yourself.” Do you know what your digital footprint looks like? What does it say about you? Do you actively manage it or do you passively hope that your digital information is ‘good enough’?
3) “Get out of your comfort zone.” I consider this the most important. We get so busy with our daily lives that we forget to take calculated risks or all the risk-taking behavior has been “corporatized” out of us. “It’ s ok to be uncomfortable. Don’t resist change …or a different way of looking at things.”
I would go one step further. Look for opportunities to change and then go for it. Early in my career I heard, “the best way to cope with change is to create it.” I have worked hard to figure out how to keep reinventing myself. It’s not easy but I am happy that I kept at it. Not sure how or what to change? Ask someone you respect and then listen with an open mind. You’ll be glad you did.
You’re pretty cool. You’ve worked hard, you’re a nice person. So, are you where you want to be?
Sometimes we get so caught up in day to day living that we forget that we have the power to change ourselves. We have everything justified in our minds about why we can’t change, why things aren’t going our way, blah, blah, blah.
Practice one of these and it will change you…forever:
Promote someone else. When was the last time you helped to promote someone else? Not yourself; someone else. A person who you think is great. Talk about him/her to your connections. This will require you to know them well enough to help promote them. (No promoting your son, daughter– doesn’t count!)
Be brave. My favorite poet is Mary Oliver. I know you’re thinking, oh no, not poetry. Yuck. Well, I get that. I like poetry and I don’t understand most it. (Maybe that’s because it’s bad poetry!) Anyway, Mary wrote this poem titled The Journey. She talks to us about listening to our inner voice and having the courage to be ourselves. Not easy but the most worthwhile of life’s adventures.
Be here now. During your day, be fully present when you are talking to someone. Look them in the eye, smile, listen as if you were going to have to repeat back to them what they just told you. Practice this with your children, spouse, friends, parents, etc. You’ll be surprised at how much fun it is, how much it is appreciated and the joy of being in the moment.
Change is good, timing is everything, patience is the key. I’m in your corner!
My grandmother taught me to say (with a big smile), “Not today but try me tomorrow” when I was turning down an offer. I thought she was crazy but… she was teaching me to please others.
Life Transitions | Deborah | 
October 6, 2011 6:47 am | 
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