Posts tagged: life changes

Success – How High You Bounce After You Hit Bottom

Army Photography Contest - 2007 - FMWRC - Arts and Crafts - The Colors Emerge</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<p>Photo By: SPC Aristide Lavey</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<p>To learn more about the annual U.S. Army Photography Competition, visit us online at <a href="" rel=&qu...

Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom (Gen. George Patton)

Thinking back on my career, I see 5 turning points, i.e. mistakes:

  • blabbing when I should have kept my mouth shut (my most common)
  • being disrespectful to a boss
  • not admitting when I was wrong

As I suffered the consequences of my actions (getting fired or pulled off a big project); I berated myself. What helped me was…

  • talking about it to someone I trusted
  • telling myself that I am human
  • examining why I behaved that way (what was in it for me)

This last step is where I learned the most. When I would act against my own best interest, there was usually something to justify it. “He deserved to be taken down a peg.” “They don’t admit their mistakes, why should I?”

My self-defeating behavior stemmed from insecurity and a lack of self understanding.

Success depends on learning from mistakes. Mistakes are good. They wear down our sharp edges. I can look in the mirror and smile. Make friends with your mistakes.

Photo Credit: The Colors Emerge   Familymwr

Be Who You Are

When people try to tell you who you are, don’t believe them. Maya Angelou

In some ways, it’s easy to be ourselves. After all, who else can we be? The fundamental ‘stuff’ that makes up ‘me,’ is written in genes and ‘the way I grew up.’ So why are we so afraid of being 100%, ourselves?

If we really think about it, we spend a lot of time ‘conforming’.  We worry what the neighbors, our co-workers or our family will think. But what about how we spend our time, who we associate with, what books we read, what thoughts we express?Do we betray ourselves in order to seem the same as everyone else?

We are often so afraid of being even a little bit different, that we push, no shove and repress our uniqueness to a place where we (and everyone else) doesn’t feel threatened. When we do this enough, we grow up to be replicas of those around us. Those who go to our church, live in our neighborhood, work at our company, etc. We are not individuals, we are a reflection.

If you’re a young person, you still have time to learn to assert your unique perspective and vision of yourself.  You can practice not wincing when someone tells you they don’t understand who you are, why you’re wearing that outfit, why you think that, why you hang out with him/her.

If you’re like me (old, haha) it’s hard, but we can still do it.  Let’s catch ourselves when we think, “I can’t do that.” That’s the moment we need to be brave. You can do it. I’ll report in on how I’m doing.

Image credit: Quotes wave

The Sweetest Sound: My Name

Some people make jokes about their terrible memories and their inability to remember people’s names. Like it’s a big joke. It’s not.

“Remember that a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound” Dale Carnegie

Recently I recounted a story about the CEO of a national company with 2,000 employees. When I visited his office, the walls were covered with photos of the company’s employees. Some had check marks next to them. The check marks indicated those employees that the CEO had met in their hometown (all over the country) and with whom he had spoken about their family. His goal was to know the face, name and family members of each employee no matter where he met them. Imagine the energy it took to work on this.

Why did this CEO think this was so important? Well, first of all it meant that he was focused on employees. Next, it gave him a way to connect to people who were not at ‘headquarters’ and a way to make them feel that he cared about them, which, he obviously did.

I work hard to remember people’s names. I learned a trick many years ago; when I meet someone new, I say their name as I shake their hand. Then I try to use it at least one more time before we part company. It’s a small thing but it leaves a positive impression. Check out these tips for remembering names.

Photo credit: Whisper

Develop Unconventional Skills

Beach of maria flour. Paulista. Janga. Pernambuco.<br /><br /><br /><br />
Artur jumping.

I studied French and German as an undergrad. I always thought I wanted to be a French teacher. Once I became a secondary school teacher, I realized I liked the kids, didn’t like ‘school.’ Ok, so now what?

I had worked in the University Library for my work-study money and I loved it. So next thing I knew, I was in a Master’s of Library Science program. I didn’t have any idea what I was going to do with this degree. I didn’t really seem like all the other ‘librarians’, but I loved all the adult learning, bringing order out of chaos, etc.

I moved from Washington, D.C. to Rochester, N.Y. and finished my degree at SUNY Geneseo. Now what?

The point of the story is not… what I did. The point is that it’s surprising and amazing how all the skills I learned along the way, helped me gain my future positions. Whether it was teaching that turned into training, or knowing a foreign language that turned into translating; I had a background that others didn’t. That brought me opportunity. That brought my skills and personality to the attention of people who could help me in my career.

Just when you think your weird/odd range of interests could be of no possible benefit to anyone… suddenly you find that you are the person who can get the job done. Make your career long by doing the following:

  • Constantly be learning
  • Learn different things than other people (stamp collecting? uni-cycling?)
  • Expand your network by deliberately including people of various ages, ethnicities, professions, etc.

Do not be discouraged if you are in a job (or looking) that isn’t exactly what you want or if you feel that your diverse skills aren’t appreciated. Hang in there and never give up. With patience if you come to see where you fit. The world needs you just the way you are.

Photo credit: Somersault Netjer-Lelahell

I Don’t Care

All my life I’ve been torn between caring and not caring.

On the one hand, I care deeply about other people.  I grew up in a difficult family (alcoholics) and so much of what I ‘care’ about has to do with people who have ‘less than.’ I make a conscious effort to be helpful and kind.

On the other hand, I have never really cared about what people think about my choices. Because I grew up quickly and had a lot of responsibility, I learned to be independent. When my choices conflict with what other people think they should be, it causes them discomfort and then they judge me. They are afraid that my ‘differentness’ might rub off on them or challenge their own ideas.

A lot of decisions are made because people are so afraid of what other people will say or think. OR what we imagine they might say or think. The more time we spend thinking about what others think, the less time we spend doing cool, fun or interesting stuff, that we want to do.

This morning I heard an old favorite on the radio. “Make Your Own Kind of Music” by Mama Cass Elliott

Nobody can tell ya
There’s only one song worth singing
They may try and sell ya
Cause it hangs them up
To see someone like you
You gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind music
Even if nobody else sings along
It takes courage to sing your own song. Most of us want someone to sing along. Realize that to be yourself in the face of criticism, being different, having unique ideas and viewpoints, speaking up, etc. are all hallmarks of strength. And if they don’t like it, well, I just don’t care.
Image credit: RapGenius

Start Where You Are

Schmoopy doing a balancing act.

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” —Theodore Roosevelt

“WE ALREADY HAVE everything we need. All these trips that we lay on ourselves—the heavy-duty fear that we’re bad and hoping that we’re good, the rage, the jealousy and the addictions of all kinds—never touch our basic wealth. They are like clouds that temporarily block the sun; all the time our warmth and brilliance are right here.” Pema Chodron  Start Where You Are

What could Rough Rider (soldier, big game hunter, President) Teddy Roosevelt and a Buddhist nun have in common?

They both counsel us to live in the day, today. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not here.

If you are seeing the world from under a cloud today, know the sun is just above them. If you are feeling the sun on your face, turn that light towards someone else. It can be as simple as a smile, a thank you. We’re in this together. #Goteam

Photo Credit: Buddha Dog  Bruce

Thought for the Day – Showing Respect

I like these. I particularly like #3. Show ‘great’ respect…

If you’ve been reading the news then you know about “Ferguson” Missouri.

I know many people don’t want to talk about it, but that doesn’t make the problem go away.

And there is a problem. It’s no one’s ‘fault’… but if you aren’t willing to confront the truth, if you are not willing to think about what the people in the streets (black and white, young and old) are saying… then perhaps you get to carry some of the blame. In this situation, there is no right and wrong, there is only moving forward by getting involved in the conversation.

If you look at and listen to the conversation of high school students around the country… each of us can begin to have hope. Listen to the students at the Saint Louis High School where the principal is having students engage each other… which he monitors and insists on respect between the students.

“…creating that decorum within the meeting – is really important to having people say what they need to say. And I always tell the kids, you know, how you relay your message has a lot to do with how it’s accepted and whom you influence.” Kevin Grawer, principal of Maplewood Richmond Heights High School.

Are you listening to people who disagree with you or are you just yelling or worse… pretending their point of view is irrelevant? Do you work to see the other person’s point of view? It’s so easy to be righteous. They should do this or that.

But I’ve never walked in their shoes.

I have, however, been poor, afraid and female. I have a glimpse into why some of the anger exists and why I feel it is often justified.

Respect. It all starts there.

Embrace the Mess – A Key to Innovation

Babies on BORSCHT

Do you embrace the mess?

If you want to hear someone interesting talk about problem solving like an artist, thinking like an artist; here is designer Marc Ecko sharing his thoughts on embrace the mess. He believes that the wealth that matters can’t be really be counted. Think about it. He also recommends that each of us be an “un-label.” When you have truly found yourself,  people are not sure how to describe the essence of “you.” They only know that you are true to yourself and encourage others to do so too.

What’s good about the mess?

It’s rare that innovation/learning/joy comes from a completely planned event. It’s the goof ups, the unexpected changes, the learning how to…, that often produces the good stuff. Are you afraid of the mess?

Try finger painting, with food from your refrigerator (not a lot, just a little). Hang around little kids, watch them experiment. What can we learn from them?

When you have a problem to solve, following all the rules, doing the same thing over and over, talking to the same people for advice and then expecting a breakthrough, doesn’t make sense. For today, I give you permission to do the messy thing. Let me know how it goes.

Photo credit: messy baby photographer

Momentum: Do You Need to Go Backward to Go Forward?

Embedded image permalink

If you are familiar with the street/graffiti artist Bansky you are lucky. He is a social commentator and whether you agree with him or not, he does rattle the brain which, afterall, is the job of a social critic.

After being anonymous for his entire career… his graffiti would just ‘appear’ places when the sun came up… he was finally ‘caught’ by British police. I think the time, energy and money spent chasing him was a complete waste. When he took his art to the streets of New York City in 2013, 31 Days of Banksy… the city was enthralled with his work.

In the first image above, we see him combine the simplest of images (arrow) with the power of words…to inspire us.

We live in a complicated world so it seems to me that arresting a guy for thoughtful graffiti just doesn’t make sense. I don’t care what his name is. I don’t care where he lives. I only care that he is free to do what he is called to do.


Here’s my motherly advice to each of you:

When you think you’re going backward, you are are likely paving the path forward in unexpected ways.

Free Banksy or jail us all. Keep art alive.

The Art and Joy of Self Reliance

Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string.” Emerson

When we’re kids, we think we’re cool and you know what… we are.

Then we “learn” how to fit in. We lose our uniqueness.

What happens?

The process of becoming a grown up can be brutal. We try to fit in with groups because we feel lost and alone. We think people don’t understand us but the truth is, we don’t understand ourselves.

The good news about being ‘grown’ up is that we, hopefully, come to know ourselves enough to learn to trust and believe in ourselves. To stand on our own, to earn our way.

Do you still look to others for approval? Or do you look in the mirror and think.. yeah. I’m ok. Just the way I am.  Fitting in can feel good but it feels even better to know who we are and believe in ourselves no matter what other people think. Care about ‘them’ less and your uniqueness more. After all, in the end, you’re all you’ve got.

Image credit: Homemade Spidey Costume