Last week I was speaking at a big event and had the pleasure of meeting many people. I was, however, unhappily struck by the number of people who don’t realize the negative impression of their fishy handshake.
What do I mean by a ‘fishy’ handshake? Well, when you offer just the fingers of your hand or when you fail to grasp the other person’s hand and shake it with confidence; you run the risk of having people think you are weak. This especially goes for men shaking hands with women. It is disrespectful to barely shake hands with a woman. It makes them think that you don’t think of them as equals.
You’ve probably heard the story about why we shake hands, i.e., to show that we have no weapons in our hands. Aside from the way we dress and eye contact, our handshake is another very important signal of our confidence.
When you shake hands, please, oh please I’m begging you, look the person in the eye and give them a gentle but firm handshake. This isn’t a strength contest but it is a chance to make the other person sit up and take notice of your positive manner. So ladies, put your hand out there and shake firmly. Guys, do the same. it’s so important!
“If you don’t risk anything, you risk even more…” Erica Jong
Last week I made a presentation to the Western NY chapter of the Product Development Management Association (PDMA) on how Social Media is radically changing the world of product development. I have been working on the ideas for this presentation and getting to know people in the group for nearly a year. When the time came for me to make this presentation, I believed I had something valuable to share.
But some little part of me thought, uh oh. What if they disagree? What if the material isn’t interesting? These are just my thoughts and ideas; maybe I’m wrong. In other words, I knew I was taking a risk and suddenly the reality of the risk hit home. A few minutes later, I pushed these thoughts from my mind, knew that I was well prepared and then hoped for the best. You’ll be glad to know that everything went well.
In my mind, if I’m not taking a fair number of risks in my professional life, then I’m not learning and growing. The important thing is to take calculated risks; ones that I know from experience, have a fairly high probability of turning out in my favor. Years ago I heard this quote and decided that I would embrace the philosophy…”The best way to cope with change is to create it.”
And here’s another very interesting way to look at it… “If you don’t like change, you’re going to like irrelevancy even less.” General Eric Shinseki, Chief of Staff, U.S. Army
There are 3 types of job seekers that scare recruiters (oh yeah, and clients/customers too). Maybe you are one of these and don’t realize it. Maybe you are:
- The Tasmanian Devil (The Stalker): over zealous applier to jobs and obsessive ‘check on the position that I applied for’ person
- The Lion (The Ego): thinks that the level of their previous position means that the rules don’t apply to them and yes, they think they’re better than everyone else
- The “Poor Me” Possum (The Victim): blames everyone and everything else
Each of these types are carrying forward thoughts and ideas about themselves that are not helping them adjust to the reality of the new job market.
Finding a job is not easy, but sometimes we add to the problem by acting in ways that do not help others see the best in us. Note these additional types:
- The Ostrich: often due to poor choices or avoidance behaviors; this person keeps doing the same things they’ve always done but does not understand why they’re not making more progress
- The Hog: talks endlessly about themselves and what they’ve done. If people are telling you to listen; you’re a hog
- The Cat: spends lots of time chatting, resting and thinking but doesn’t really want to work and acts really busy but never accomplishes anything of value (except what gratifies them). They borrow money and make excuses for not being able to ‘close’ the deal.
If you’re a person who’s been out of work for while, try talking to a mentor. Ask someone you trust to level with you, try to accept what they are telling you with grace. Or maybe you need to just listen to what the people currently in your life are telling you. Do you know some other types? Please share. Remember don’t try harder, try different!
Ok, today we’re playing jeopardy. I’m giving you the question: What is Quora?
– A tool for improving dental hygiene?
– A movie about the attack on Pearl Harbor in WWII?
– An element of new math?
– A supplement guaranteed to help you lose 50 pounds in 3 weeks?
Give up? If I told you it was another social media tool and that it’s pretty cool, you would never have started reading. But I tricked you… (are you still reading?)
Quora is a “continually improving collection of questions and answers created, edited, and organized by everyone who uses it.” Hmmm, sounds like Wikipedia. Here are some ‘questions” that I’ve opted to follow:
If you have a curious mind, you may enjoy Quora. Oh by the way, here’s advice on using Quora for your job search. Now go start laughing, learning and collaborating!
I enjoy teaching because I love that moment when I see my students nodding their heads. Eureka, they are getting it! Light bulbs are going off! It’s a great feeling. But even more importantly, my students always teach me so much; about myself and the world (as they see it!)
If we are parents with children at home; we of course recognize that teaching them is part of our role. But do we also see that we are students of our children? That they are teaching us as much as we are teaching them?
Everyday we meet new people. Are we open to learning about them? To learning about what they have to teach us?
Everyday I set a goal of seeing if I can make a difference in someone else’s life by doing something small like: listening to them, thanking them, noticing how hard they work or how much THEY make a difference. It’s a simple and small thing but it gives my life meaning. The well-known poem Desiderata puts an interesting spin on this. Here’s an excerpt from this simple guide for living a happy life.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
I saw Adam Sandler being interviewed on television. Even if you don’t like him or his movies, I think he’s a good example of how a combination of self confidence and humility can create success.
Adam told a story about when he was first starting out in stand up. While the audience wasn’t laughing very hard, he was thinking, “I don’t understand why these people don’t see how funny I am!” He wasn’t discouraged; he didn’t stop. He believed in himself.
Listening to him talk about his latest project was inspiring because he was humble about his success without being phony or self-effacing.
My goal is to be genuine in all my interactions. This means that I recognize what I’m good at and can speak with confidence; AND I know that I have something to learn from every person I meet. No one is better than me (no matter what they have accomplished) and I’ m not better than anyone else.
I enjoy meeting new people and helping them succeed. I understand the importance of networking and when I ask someone to meet me; I offer to buy them a cup of coffee. Two dollars is a small investment to show someone that I appreciate their time.
I am grateful that I have the time and ability to volunteer and help as many people as I can.
When people ask to meet me, say they want to ‘pick my brain’ or ask me to make introductions to my contacts and don’t even offer to buy me a cup of coffee; I take note. What kind of employee will this person make if they don’t understand common courtesy? I am taking this post to heart. I resolve to buy more coffees in 2011 to thank all those who help me.
At Reputation.com you can pay the company to ‘manage’ your online reputation. Hmmm. This strikes me as very odd. Now I realize that there can be circumstances when a person may need to have some help in “fixing” things online. Everything from an old school photo to an errant rant might need to be managed.
But as a rule, the idea of paying someone to change, improve or alter your digital reputation or “digital footprint” sounds crazy to me.
I know a lot of people don’t like Google but the reality is that Google’s search algorithms (their own self interest notwithstanding) are designed to give real people who are creating real content the best chance possible of being found by other real people.
Before I came across this article, A Primer on Online Reputation Management, I didn’t even know these companies existed. While I appreciate the entrepreneurial spirit, I question whether this is a viable alternative for 99% of the population. Here is one of the tactics employed by such organizations; they “include things like “astroturfing,” or the creation of anonymous commenter accounts to buttress a positive piece of content or lash out against a negative one.” Another tactic is to “sneak a client’s name into a site with a lot of rank with Google, such as IMDB.com.”
The whole point of a reputation is that it be a true reflection of who you are. Trust is built by being consistent and ethical. What many of us love about ‘social’ networking/media/business/commerce is the transparency. You can manage your own online presence by paying attention, reading and commenting on blogs, posting to Linked In and so forth. For heaven’s sake be genuine because if you get exposed as a fraud– you WILL need to pay someone to help you get rid of that and good luck doing so!
I’m tired of hearing people say they don’t want to use social media because they don’t want to know every detail of someone else’s life. Well, if this were true, celebrity magazines wouldn’t exist; neither would soap operas or the 21st century version, reality TV.
So I thought I gently remind everyone that it’s precisely life’s details that make it interesting.
I was talking to someone about networking and how much I dislike showing up at a event to make small talk with strangers. Interestingly though, conversing via twitter, blogs, face book and other networks can actually be fun. I have met some wonderful people this way.
And, by the way, you can crab all you want about having to ‘learn’ new things and ‘use the computer to connect’ and engage but the fact is that this train has left the station. You can have fun, learn and look for what’s good in the new world of social networking or not. But please, spare me your tales of not caring, not getting it and not wanting to be bothered. Boy I’m crabby in the new year. I promise I’ll be better by my next post.
Recently I was helping someone prepare for an important interview by asking her all kinds of questions. One that caught her flatfooted was, “Tell me about one of your weaknesses.” Arghhh. Who’s prepared to answer that stupid question? You could try:
– “I’m a know-it-all perfectionist and I need to be in charge.”
– “People drive me crazy and I’m not a team player.”
– So why not say… “I don’ t have any weaknesses.”
Hmmm, that just screams — I have NO self awareness. Not a good answer. Are you a grown up who understands his/her shortcomings and what to do about them? Or are you a shallow so and so who will just make everyone nuts?
We all have strengths (by the way, can you answer that important question?) and we all have little places that could use improving. The goal is to reply with something that you are really working on but not admit that you are a loser.
For example, I like to say something like…”I’m always working on my listening skills. I try to make sure that I am hearing the other person well enough to repeat back what they just said to me.” I say this because I really believe that listening is one of the most important skills in any person’s toolkit.
I also like the, “I’m very dedicated to the job and am working on seeking balance….” Yeah, don’t hire me because I work too hard.
Check out the article, “How to Answer the, ‘What’s Your Biggest Weakness’ Question”. Be honest but not too honest. The interviewer is listening and watching to see how you handle yourself in a difficult situation. Be prepared and then relax.
Last week I was speaking at a big event and had the pleasure of meeting many people. I was, however, unhappily struck by the number of people who don’t realize the negative impression of their fishy handshake.
job search, Life Transitions | Deborah | 
May 24, 2011 10:31 am | 
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