You’re pretty cool. You’ve worked hard, you’re a nice person. So, are you where you want to be?
Sometimes we get so caught up in day to day living that we forget that we have the power to change ourselves. We have everything justified in our minds about why we can’t change, why things aren’t going our way, blah, blah, blah.
Practice one of these and it will change you…forever:
Promote someone else. When was the last time you helped to promote someone else? Not yourself; someone else. A person who you think is great. Talk about him/her to your connections. This will require you to know them well enough to help promote them. (No promoting your son, daughter– doesn’t count!)
Be brave. My favorite poet is Mary Oliver. I know you’re thinking, oh no, not poetry. Yuck. Well, I get that. I like poetry and I don’t understand most it. (Maybe that’s because it’s bad poetry!) Anyway, Mary wrote this poem titled The Journey. She talks to us about listening to our inner voice and having the courage to be ourselves. Not easy but the most worthwhile of life’s adventures.
Be here now. During your day, be fully present when you are talking to someone. Look them in the eye, smile, listen as if you were going to have to repeat back to them what they just told you. Practice this with your children, spouse, friends, parents, etc. You’ll be surprised at how much fun it is, how much it is appreciated and the joy of being in the moment.
Change is good, timing is everything, patience is the key. I’m in your corner!
“If you don’t risk anything, you risk even more…” Erica Jong
Last week I made a presentation to the Western NY chapter of the Product Development Management Association (PDMA) on how Social Media is radically changing the world of product development. I have been working on the ideas for this presentation and getting to know people in the group for nearly a year. When the time came for me to make this presentation, I believed I had something valuable to share.
But some little part of me thought, uh oh. What if they disagree? What if the material isn’t interesting? These are just my thoughts and ideas; maybe I’m wrong. In other words, I knew I was taking a risk and suddenly the reality of the risk hit home. A few minutes later, I pushed these thoughts from my mind, knew that I was well prepared and then hoped for the best. You’ll be glad to know that everything went well.
In my mind, if I’m not taking a fair number of risks in my professional life, then I’m not learning and growing. The important thing is to take calculated risks; ones that I know from experience, have a fairly high probability of turning out in my favor. Years ago I heard this quote and decided that I would embrace the philosophy…”The best way to cope with change is to create it.”
And here’s another very interesting way to look at it… “If you don’t like change, you’re going to like irrelevancy even less.” General Eric Shinseki, Chief of Staff, U.S. Army
This week I had the privilege of helping someone who decided to change his life. Doesn’t matter the circumstances; what matters is that the person reached out and took help when it was offered. We all find ourselves in situations where we need to ask for help. Does my pride prevent me from getting help or do I accept graciously and humbly?
I hate asking for help. I hate the idea that I need help or that there’s anything in the world I can’t do all by myself. But the truth is that we all need a hand from time to time. So if you are struggling, ask for help. If you don’t get what you need from the first person you ask, try someone else. The lessons we learn when we’re vulnerable are exactly what make us approachable and able to help others. On the other hand, if things are going well for you; reach out to someone. Everyday, the world presents us with opportunities to help each other. It may be as simple as listening, a smile, a kind word or much more.
One last thing. When we let someone help us; we give them the chance to feel good about themselves. Think of it as a gift that goes both ways. Remember: we’re all in this together.
There was a blog called “In 3 words” that would pose a question and then ask people to submit their three word response. A typical question was: “What’s the last thing that made you want to tear your hair out? ” – which elicited responses like, ‘my older daughter’ and ‘bosses bad day’.
One of my favorite bloggers, Chris Brogan, took the concept and suggested that people use the idea to come up with 3 words that will be their guiding pillars for the year. Yes, I know it’s March, but it’s never too late to get a new lease on personal and professional growth. For 2011 — his 3 words are: package, reinvest, flow. Not inspiring to me personally but I’ll bet they are helping Chris focus. Here are some of the submissions this post elicited:
Smile, Fight, Create
JUICY SO WHAT? WORTHY
Get OUT There!
Challenge, Empower, Collaborate
Passion, Confidence, Balance
Pleasure, People, Publish, Practice (Louise can’t seem to follow rules!)
Integrity, Wisdom, Patience
My 3 words are: This One Day. My goal for 2011 is to conscious of the day, every day as I live it. That includes paying attention to my surroundings and the people I come in contact with as well as accomplishing my daily work. Looking forward to hearing about your 3 words.
Ok, today we’re playing jeopardy. I’m giving you the question: What is Quora?
– A tool for improving dental hygiene?
– A movie about the attack on Pearl Harbor in WWII?
– An element of new math?
– A supplement guaranteed to help you lose 50 pounds in 3 weeks?
Give up? If I told you it was another social media tool and that it’s pretty cool, you would never have started reading. But I tricked you… (are you still reading?)
Quora is a “continually improving collection of questions and answers created, edited, and organized by everyone who uses it.” Hmmm, sounds like Wikipedia. Here are some ‘questions” that I’ve opted to follow:
If you have a curious mind, you may enjoy Quora. Oh by the way, here’s advice on using Quora for your job search. Now go start laughing, learning and collaborating!
A lot of us think if only I were in charge… things would be different. I’d make this happen; I wouldn’t let that happen. We’re sure we could do better.
But the truth is that if you’ve ever been responsible for the livelihoods of other people, you know that it’s not easy. If you are a thinking, caring individual; carrying the fate of a family’s paycheck in your hands is daunting.
In the world of CEO’s, certain people immediately come to mind: Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Warren Buffett. Do you think they are good or bad CEOs? Well, it’s hard to argue with success but I wonder what really does make a good chief.
So I turn to a man whose opinion I admire, Peter Drucker. Here’s an article he wrote for Harvard Business Review in 2004 titled, “What Makes an Effective Executive.” In it he says that effective leaders follow 8 simple rules; the last of which is “think and say we, not I.”
Here’s another perspective from the researcher Jim Collins, (Good to Great). “The best CEOs in our research display tremendous ambition for their company combined with the stoic will to do whatever it takes, no matter how brutal (within the bounds of the company’s core values), to make the company great. Yet at the same time they display a remarkable humility about themselves, ascribing much of their own success to luck, discipline and preparation rather than personal genius.”
We get to act as CEO’s of our lives, our families, our careers and perhaps a few other opportunities. Are you confident in your abilities and contribution but humble about how outcomes are achieved? If you are, then maybe the ‘you’ company is on its way to being successful.
I enjoy teaching because I love that moment when I see my students nodding their heads. Eureka, they are getting it! Light bulbs are going off! It’s a great feeling. But even more importantly, my students always teach me so much; about myself and the world (as they see it!)
If we are parents with children at home; we of course recognize that teaching them is part of our role. But do we also see that we are students of our children? That they are teaching us as much as we are teaching them?
Everyday we meet new people. Are we open to learning about them? To learning about what they have to teach us?
Everyday I set a goal of seeing if I can make a difference in someone else’s life by doing something small like: listening to them, thanking them, noticing how hard they work or how much THEY make a difference. It’s a simple and small thing but it gives my life meaning. The well-known poem Desiderata puts an interesting spin on this. Here’s an excerpt from this simple guide for living a happy life.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
I saw Adam Sandler being interviewed on television. Even if you don’t like him or his movies, I think he’s a good example of how a combination of self confidence and humility can create success.
Adam told a story about when he was first starting out in stand up. While the audience wasn’t laughing very hard, he was thinking, “I don’t understand why these people don’t see how funny I am!” He wasn’t discouraged; he didn’t stop. He believed in himself.
Listening to him talk about his latest project was inspiring because he was humble about his success without being phony or self-effacing.
My goal is to be genuine in all my interactions. This means that I recognize what I’m good at and can speak with confidence; AND I know that I have something to learn from every person I meet. No one is better than me (no matter what they have accomplished) and I’ m not better than anyone else.
There are 2 kinds of households – those that have a teenager at home who can help with the computers and those that don’t (OK, there are some households that have an adult that understands technology but they don’t count!)
Many of us don’t see the world through the filter of a connected/electronic world. We weren’t raised on instant messenger in high school nor did we become social beings via Facebook in college. Someone moved our cheese and now we do need to understand and embrace technology and the ‘socialness’ that is the new world of business and commerce.
I advocate for ‘reverse mentorship’- the pairing of a ‘digital native’ (younger/wired person) with a senior executive in order to create synergies, teach each other, learn and grow a company. The executive gains insight about how technology is affecting the world and the younger person gains experience and guidance. The key to making this work has less to do with interpersonal skills and more to do with the openness of the executive and how ‘coachable’ the younger person is. Setting goals, having lively discussions and respecting each other are all part of the process to help our companies keep up with global competition.
Alexa Scordato, piloted this idea at her first job at Mzinga and has gone on to talk about it at TEDxBoston.
Leaders need to embrace new ways of listening and engaging customers and how social is changing all aspects of the enterprise. Regularly hearing unfiltered feedback (not through sales reps or customer service) direct from our customers and prospects is an exciting proposition. The question is… when we have it, what will we do with it?
Please share who are you learning from these days.
So we hear a lot of blah, blah about doing what you love and following your passion. Great you say, but Ive got bills to pay and kids to feed. Well, we can go around whining about our job/having no job, sucky boss/having no boss and as the song goes, ‘wishin’ and hopin’, plannin’ and dreamin’ but none of this will do any good unless we decide to take action. My favorite saying is…
Don’t try harder, try different.
So how do I figure out what different is or looks like? TAKE ONE STEP.
People – Look objectively at the people you spend time with. Are they positive, energetic people? Are they interested in living? Do you feel energized after being with them or drained.? Be with people who are upbeat and honest. It’s a choice to surround ourselves with people who are engaged.
Actions – Review how you spent your time in the past week. How much of what you did fell into these 3 categories:
You were learning something
You were having fun
You felt appreciated (or loved if it’s your family)
If you’re not getting two out three of these then ask yourself…What am I going to do? What’s stopping you? Also, on the flip side of this, do you consciously teach, make things fun and show appreciation everyday?
Just for today, if you are hungry, angry, lonely or tired- take care of those needs first. Then take a few minutes to think about either the people in your life or the actions that you are taking. If you’re not sure what to do, talk it over with someone you trust who understands. You deserve it.
This post was inspired by Julien Smith’s post, Your Happiness is Not Your Own, “Perdre sa vie à la gagner.” Je veux dire, jamais!
You’re pretty cool. You’ve worked hard, you’re a nice person. So, are you where you want to be?
job search, Life Transitions | Deborah | 
May 18, 2011 6:34 am | 
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