I had the good luck of being born into the family of Dorothy Fitzgerald. She was my great aunt but I considered her my grandmother. She lived at home until 3 months before she passed away at the age of 99.
Here she is in Gloucester, Mass. in 1929. She was a working woman (she worked for the IRS) and was the single finest human being I have ever known. Let me tell you a bit about her.
- She was kind to everyone. No exceptions. Race, age, economic status– everyone was treated the same. With respect.
- She never passed judgment. Dorothy was intelligent and well read and if asked, she would give a thoughtful, considered opinion but more often than not, she’d say she really didn’t know much about x or y (even if she did). She was open to hearing what others had to say.
- She was fiscally responsible. She had money and spent it wisely but she was also generous. She had impeccable taste. Her home was beautiful and welcoming. We often shared holidays with people from other countries who found themselves in the US. She knew that the best gifts were time and love.
- She was helpful when she could be and knew when to keep her mouth shut.
It was my privilege to know her and be part of her family. She was gracious without being phony and always generous of spirit . If I can be half of the person she was, I will consider myself a success.
Will you tell me about your role model? I am looking forward to the inspiration!
Last week I was speaking at a big event and had the pleasure of meeting many people. I was, however, unhappily struck by the number of people who don’t realize the negative impression of their fishy handshake.
What do I mean by a ‘fishy’ handshake? Well, when you offer just the fingers of your hand or when you fail to grasp the other person’s hand and shake it with confidence; you run the risk of having people think you are weak. This especially goes for men shaking hands with women. It is disrespectful to barely shake hands with a woman. It makes them think that you don’t think of them as equals.
You’ve probably heard the story about why we shake hands, i.e., to show that we have no weapons in our hands. Aside from the way we dress and eye contact, our handshake is another very important signal of our confidence.
When you shake hands, please, oh please I’m begging you, look the person in the eye and give them a gentle but firm handshake. This isn’t a strength contest but it is a chance to make the other person sit up and take notice of your positive manner. So ladies, put your hand out there and shake firmly. Guys, do the same. it’s so important!
“If you don’t risk anything, you risk even more…” Erica Jong
Last week I made a presentation to the Western NY chapter of the Product Development Management Association (PDMA) on how Social Media is radically changing the world of product development. I have been working on the ideas for this presentation and getting to know people in the group for nearly a year. When the time came for me to make this presentation, I believed I had something valuable to share.
But some little part of me thought, uh oh. What if they disagree? What if the material isn’t interesting? These are just my thoughts and ideas; maybe I’m wrong. In other words, I knew I was taking a risk and suddenly the reality of the risk hit home. A few minutes later, I pushed these thoughts from my mind, knew that I was well prepared and then hoped for the best. You’ll be glad to know that everything went well.
In my mind, if I’m not taking a fair number of risks in my professional life, then I’m not learning and growing. The important thing is to take calculated risks; ones that I know from experience, have a fairly high probability of turning out in my favor. Years ago I heard this quote and decided that I would embrace the philosophy…”The best way to cope with change is to create it.”
And here’s another very interesting way to look at it… “If you don’t like change, you’re going to like irrelevancy even less.” General Eric Shinseki, Chief of Staff, U.S. Army
I used to sit in an airport or restaurant and watch people (usually young) messing with their phones. I couldn’t imagine what they were doing! My device world consisted of a palm pilot and blackberry before I moved away from corporate America so what did I know about a smart phone? My sister would carry on about how much she loved her iPhone. Ok. Whatever. But she was right and now I understand.
If you have a smart phone and you already get this but please remember; there are a LOT of people who don’t. This means that you have an opportunity in your work to help your organization use these tools to keep ahead of your competition. If you are not a smart phone user, I suggest you take a few minutes and ask someone to show you what all the hoopla is about. Here’s one example…
I love word games, especially scrabble, so when I found out I could play it on my phone (called Words With Friends), I was intrigued. I started playing with ‘random opponents’, people the game would partner me with. I’d played a few games with an opponent and we started chatting within the game. It turns out he’s in Australia. I’m playing scrabble, on my phone with someone on the other side of the world. Think of the ramifications for business. Think of how this device is shrinking the world.
One hundred million people are playing mobile games and about $1 billion revenue was generated in 2010. If you’re not seeing the connection to your job or business, maybe you’re just not thinking broadly enough. The personal computer started at home and then went to the office. So it goes with mobile. It’s not about the game… it’s about access to the person’s attention… anytime, anyplace. Let me know what you think.
This week I had the privilege of helping someone who decided to change his life. Doesn’t matter the circumstances; what matters is that the person reached out and took help when it was offered. We all find ourselves in situations where we need to ask for help. Does my pride prevent me from getting help or do I accept graciously and humbly?
I hate asking for help. I hate the idea that I need help or that there’s anything in the world I can’t do all by myself. But the truth is that we all need a hand from time to time. So if you are struggling, ask for help. If you don’t get what you need from the first person you ask, try someone else. The lessons we learn when we’re vulnerable are exactly what make us approachable and able to help others. On the other hand, if things are going well for you; reach out to someone. Everyday, the world presents us with opportunities to help each other. It may be as simple as listening, a smile, a kind word or much more.
One last thing. When we let someone help us; we give them the chance to feel good about themselves. Think of it as a gift that goes both ways. Remember: we’re all in this together.
There was a blog called “In 3 words” that would pose a question and then ask people to submit their three word response. A typical question was: “What’s the last thing that made you want to tear your hair out? ” – which elicited responses like, ‘my older daughter’ and ‘bosses bad day’.
One of my favorite bloggers, Chris Brogan, took the concept and suggested that people use the idea to come up with 3 words that will be their guiding pillars for the year. Yes, I know it’s March, but it’s never too late to get a new lease on personal and professional growth. For 2011 — his 3 words are: package, reinvest, flow. Not inspiring to me personally but I’ll bet they are helping Chris focus. Here are some of the submissions this post elicited:
Smile, Fight, Create
JUICY SO WHAT? WORTHY
Get OUT There!
Challenge, Empower, Collaborate
Passion, Confidence, Balance
Pleasure, People, Publish, Practice (Louise can’t seem to follow rules!)
Integrity, Wisdom, Patience
My 3 words are: This One Day. My goal for 2011 is to conscious of the day, every day as I live it. That includes paying attention to my surroundings and the people I come in contact with as well as accomplishing my daily work. Looking forward to hearing about your 3 words.
There are 3 types of job seekers that scare recruiters (oh yeah, and clients/customers too). Maybe you are one of these and don’t realize it. Maybe you are:
- The Tasmanian Devil (The Stalker): over zealous applier to jobs and obsessive ‘check on the position that I applied for’ person
- The Lion (The Ego): thinks that the level of their previous position means that the rules don’t apply to them and yes, they think they’re better than everyone else
- The “Poor Me” Possum (The Victim): blames everyone and everything else
Each of these types are carrying forward thoughts and ideas about themselves that are not helping them adjust to the reality of the new job market.
Finding a job is not easy, but sometimes we add to the problem by acting in ways that do not help others see the best in us. Note these additional types:
- The Ostrich: often due to poor choices or avoidance behaviors; this person keeps doing the same things they’ve always done but does not understand why they’re not making more progress
- The Hog: talks endlessly about themselves and what they’ve done. If people are telling you to listen; you’re a hog
- The Cat: spends lots of time chatting, resting and thinking but doesn’t really want to work and acts really busy but never accomplishes anything of value (except what gratifies them). They borrow money and make excuses for not being able to ‘close’ the deal.
If you’re a person who’s been out of work for while, try talking to a mentor. Ask someone you trust to level with you, try to accept what they are telling you with grace. Or maybe you need to just listen to what the people currently in your life are telling you. Do you know some other types? Please share. Remember don’t try harder, try different!
Ok, today we’re playing jeopardy. I’m giving you the question: What is Quora?
– A tool for improving dental hygiene?
– A movie about the attack on Pearl Harbor in WWII?
– An element of new math?
– A supplement guaranteed to help you lose 50 pounds in 3 weeks?
Give up? If I told you it was another social media tool and that it’s pretty cool, you would never have started reading. But I tricked you… (are you still reading?)
Quora is a “continually improving collection of questions and answers created, edited, and organized by everyone who uses it.” Hmmm, sounds like Wikipedia. Here are some ‘questions” that I’ve opted to follow:
If you have a curious mind, you may enjoy Quora. Oh by the way, here’s advice on using Quora for your job search. Now go start laughing, learning and collaborating!
A lot of us think if only I were in charge… things would be different. I’d make this happen; I wouldn’t let that happen. We’re sure we could do better.
But the truth is that if you’ve ever been responsible for the livelihoods of other people, you know that it’s not easy. If you are a thinking, caring individual; carrying the fate of a family’s paycheck in your hands is daunting.
In the world of CEO’s, certain people immediately come to mind: Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Warren Buffett. Do you think they are good or bad CEOs? Well, it’s hard to argue with success but I wonder what really does make a good chief.
So I turn to a man whose opinion I admire, Peter Drucker. Here’s an article he wrote for Harvard Business Review in 2004 titled, “What Makes an Effective Executive.” In it he says that effective leaders follow 8 simple rules; the last of which is “think and say we, not I.”
Here’s another perspective from the researcher Jim Collins, (Good to Great). “The best CEOs in our research display tremendous ambition for their company combined with the stoic will to do whatever it takes, no matter how brutal (within the bounds of the company’s core values), to make the company great. Yet at the same time they display a remarkable humility about themselves, ascribing much of their own success to luck, discipline and preparation rather than personal genius.”
We get to act as CEO’s of our lives, our families, our careers and perhaps a few other opportunities. Are you confident in your abilities and contribution but humble about how outcomes are achieved? If you are, then maybe the ‘you’ company is on its way to being successful.
I saw Adam Sandler being interviewed on television. Even if you don’t like him or his movies, I think he’s a good example of how a combination of self confidence and humility can create success.
Adam told a story about when he was first starting out in stand up. While the audience wasn’t laughing very hard, he was thinking, “I don’t understand why these people don’t see how funny I am!” He wasn’t discouraged; he didn’t stop. He believed in himself.
Listening to him talk about his latest project was inspiring because he was humble about his success without being phony or self-effacing.
My goal is to be genuine in all my interactions. This means that I recognize what I’m good at and can speak with confidence; AND I know that I have something to learn from every person I meet. No one is better than me (no matter what they have accomplished) and I’ m not better than anyone else.
I had the good luck of being born into the family of Dorothy Fitzgerald. She was my great aunt but I considered her my grandmother. She lived at home until 3 months before she passed away at the age of 99.
Life Transitions | Deborah | 
June 16, 2011 8:07 am | 
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